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Oh my life my life....

I haven't read a lot from people about what it is like to go through a divorce with a partner with ADHD. My husband left me five weeks ago for a new girl that has captured his heart. He told me he wanted a divorce because we are incompatible, but I find out that he is having an affair (not a long one). It is now becoming clear that this woman has bought INTO him and they are in "love" although I know this by omission rather than by his admission. He won't talk about their relationship but he has cut off his entire family. Anyway.

Hi my names Ashley and I'm 26 me and my husband who is also 26  have a nine month old daughter.  He was diagnosed with ADHD when he was younger maybe 14ish. He says his school diagnosed him and that everyone there was diagnosed he takes no medicine.  We've been married for almost three years and we fight in cycles. We will be great for a feW months and then have a horrible fight.  I have no idea how to make things better for us and I'm tired of the emotional abuse.  Last we are in a current fight that happened last night.

Heres how it started;

When will I be good enough? I take my meds and I go to counseling, so does my son. I work full time and I pay the bills on time. The house is clean and tidy but not a showcase. My son is doing well enough at school and he is about as well behaved as any kid. I babysit my niece and nephew and they are good for kids with disabilities. I have schedules and reminders and I'm rarely late or behind. I don't lie, cheat or steal. We have sex once or twice a week. I cook good healthy but not fancy meals. For someone with ADHD and an ADHD child I'm doing pretty damned good.

I'm writing here before I go to bed. I'm alone in my home with my two kids as five weeks ago my husband with ADHD, medicated with adderall extended release told me that he finally "understood" what I had been saying for years and that we are incompatible and fight too much. I HAVE said that I'm going to leave on innumerable occasions IF things did not change (I always found that I could get him to hyperfocus on saving our marriage/relationship if I got REALLY angry with him, which is to say *threatened* him with divorce).

Is there any way to differentiate between passive aggressive behavior and ADD for those of us who have spouses who will absolutely not get tested?  Could ADD present itself as Passive Aggressive Behavior?

Wiki definition: Passive aggressive behavior can manifest itself as learned helplessness, procrastination, hostility masquerading as jokes, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.

So I had a bad day kindof  with dizzy spells and contractions, to the point I had to have hubby pick me up, couldn't even drive home safely.  Once home I quickly prepare some dinner and get my daughter ready for bed.  Meanwhile Tim says he needs to run out to a store real quick and he'll be home for dinner.  1 hour, 2 hours pass me and munchkin eat and are in bed.  He calls to say he's now over a friends house and will be home shortly.  I"m thinking whatever, coz I know the drill... giving times and intentions is pointless, he'll be home when he gets home.

I only recently had the epiphany(thanks to this site and some others)  that all my husband's bizarre ways of thinking and doing things are down to his ADD.  He always said he had a little ADD-- but I did not understand Adult ADD well enough to realize the profound effect it can have on interpersonal relationships.

I have talked him into getting evaluated and hopefully treated. (He doesn't think the ADD is a big deal).

im involved with a younger guy who is mellow, non hyper but also very ADD. he's told me he's add and it shows very clearly in his inabilty to read social cues, subtlies in verbal exchange or anything that isnt very clear, simple, black and white. he misinterprets information alot and he often doesnt provide the base information to me so i know whats going on in his heart or inside of him. he gets into work projects and will miss a date, not call, not even register that he had plans with me. he will make plans, then leave me in the middle of them becasue he committed to helping someone.

Hi there,

My husband is quite certain he has ADD. His family physician is quite certain as well. And I am absolutely certain!

My husband considers going through the diagnosis process and beginning treatment but then does not. I am not completely sure why. I believe it is a mix of feeling like he knows already so why bother, and maybe some fear about losing the good parts of the ADD if he takes medication.