Recent forum posts (all topics)

I am not married, but in a serious relationship with an ADHD partner.  I can see myself married to him someday if the relationship gets there.   I just wanted to say how much I appreciate this forum.  I read Dr. Hallowell's "Delivered From Distraction" and it gave me so very much.   All of my instincts were so validated.  Everyone should read it if you have not.  What you may be thinking is red flag behavior is not with ADHD.   I want to share all that I embrace about him AND his ADHD.  I think it makes things better, not worse.  I never ever want him to "change".

I believe that ADHD can be exacerbated by specific events and general life stages.  I used to think that it was a coincidence that my husband's problems seemed to get worse when my daughters became preteens and that his problems have continued to be worse as they have grown into young adulthood.  Now I'm starting to think that this is one of those life stages that, by challenging his parenting abilities, has worsened his ADHD and related conditions.

I'm an ADHD husband and I'm slightly uncomfortable posting here b/c so many of you have so much frustration with your ADHD husbands. Please understand from the outset that I acknowledge my ADHD and struggle with it every day. I work with my wife to limit the damage as much as I can (giving up my computer games for several months, password protecting the TV set) and try to create habits that are helpful (dishes / counters / laundry).  I am ADHD-PI -- primarily inattentive.

I just read the book and am shocked at how well it describes my marriage. I have been with my husband for 30 years; married for 21. And it's always been the same. He has never been officially diagnosed with ADHD, but he will admit that he probably has it. He's not overly assertive about trying to get help. The whole courtship thing doesn't really apply to  us, but the parent-child relationship part hits it on the head. I often feel alone (like I am living with a roommate) and I'm in charge of everything.

Christmas Day. I realize any plans and schedules I have made may need to be re-arranged. I won't be angry today.  Whatever happens, happens.  Nothing is a necessity other than being welcoming and attentive to others today.

First off, I truly want our marriage to work! We have been together for almost a decade and married for half a year. I'm pregnant with our first child. Just found out he had been calling and texting Craigslist-type sex ads. This isn't the first time (2nd) and there have been other trust issues as well. I don't know if it ever progressed to more than phone calls and text. He is undiagnosed but now has an appt to be tested. We are going back to couples therapy. I really need hope from other couples who have survived from infidelity.

Hello All:

Unlike what seems to be the majority, I'm a male non-ADD spouse of a female ADD person.

We've got a great marriage in every other respect, and she is on meds, etc. Generally the meds and treatment seem to be enough to keep her functional in her job and as a mom, but there's one thing that's still driving me to distraction and I find myself becoming increasingly resentful. I should say that in every other way she's a wonderful, loving, caring person, and the last thing I want to do is anything that would put our relationship in jeopardy.

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He said, "You are you and I am me.  You can't change me."

So I became the mother and the father in the family.

He said, "Nothing happened.  I was always true to you in a married sense."

But I do not trust him with my heart.

He said, "I am doing the best that I can."

So I worked, paid the bills, did the taxes, took care of the kids and made a nice home.

He said, "If you don't like it, you know what you can do." - meaning, I could leave.

I kept the family in tact and worked a little harder.

He said, "What did you EVER do for ME?"

I am in the process of leaving a 20 year marriage to a man with substance abuse and ADHD.   He only decided to seek help after I left.. despite years of me knowing something was terribly wrong.  While he is improving I no longer want to stay in the marriage.  This has been more of a parent child relationship and I believe he needs to learn how to be on his own and take care himself through the help of his therapist.  Im finding a common thread from reading through this forum that ADHD'ers tend to be self centered and narcisstic.