Recent forum posts (all topics)

I am 54 and my ADHD husband is about to turn 70.   I am debating divorce vs. separation, leaning toward separation.  Any thoughts, please?  I know this is a long post, but I have no family, and few friends after this roller-coaster of a marriage.  Here's the situation:

I am new to this forum - have seen Melissa at a talk in Toronto recently and my wife having suggested I read the book, and  I am diagnosed Add.  I recently threw a bombshell into my married life and incredibly, my wife still wants to work on things.  My biggest problem seems to be a maladaptive coping strategy of avoidance.  I have been to see too many different therapists jumping around due to finance issues (looking for quick fix) but there are some things I learned that ring true.

I have a journal that goes back decades.  One day, when my son was about 11 years old after our older son moved to college, I wrote, "We seem to have stopped being able to communicate as a family.  No one talks anymore.  They seem so far away and not willing to make any effort to talk with me. I feel alone. It is a heartache.  I don't know what is going wrong. Maybe it is just getting through the 'teen years' "  From both of them (DH and DS) I got,  "Yup.  Nope. OK."  And that is about it FOR YEARS!!! I remember my son was always in to his computer until all hours of the night.

I have ADHD, and my fiance cheated on me? I love him soooo much but it hurts so much... i am so lost on what to do? any other ADHD spouse been cheated on and were you able to fix it........  a long back story behind it, to make it as short as i can, there are some important facts to this story

I just stumbled across this site today while googling something else. The ADHD part caught my eye, and I clicked the link. From the first sentence I read, all I could think was they are talking about my fiancee.

I have been together with my fiance for over 3 years now.  My fiance has ADHD and we both have known about it, but it has never been treated.  His parents never tried to treat it when the doctor diagnosed him as a child.  He told me from the beginning that he had ADHD, but I never thought that it could affect our life or relationship.  I found out last month that he was pursuing other women online and it frustrated me.  I felt so hurt and betrayed.  It started off as him looking at half naked women on facebook, then a secret world on twitter full of porn and conversations with these women. 

I don't know how much longer I can do this. I don't wanna lose him, as a person, his heart, our memories, the time I invested, the future I can sometimes see. But I need to look out for myself and I don't want to be 10 years ahead wishing I had put myself first and ended it when I needed to.

My husband just seems to be unable to tell the whole truth or even part of it sometimes and it really gets to me. (He didnt used to be like this or at least not as bad but hes been under a lot of stress from job changes and deaths in the family this year and it seems to have made things worse)

How do you bring non ADHD spouse out of withdraw.  She want nothing to with the book or anything. 

I have reached maximum annoyance level today. I am on the cusp of removing my husband from my home. Every time he "gets a job" he somehow has an issue with his paycheck that is never his fault. There will be a mix up or someone will forget he works there..input any excuse here. Eventually I end up calling the job and they have no idea who he is..I confront my husband about it who then denies wholeheartedly that he has lied and claims maybe its a new person or they just never met him. This is the pattern for the last 4 years.