Recent forum posts (all topics)

After dating who I thought was the love of my life for over a year (and has ADHD, medicated), I have finally decided to end our relationship. This is not a quick decision but instead something I've been pondering for the past several months. His erratic behaviors, mood swings, and lack of motivation have taken such a toll on me in one year - and I can't imagine a lifetime with this person if one year has been so tough.

There have been many times when I understand why my spouse is angry, and once I realize my mistake, I accept responsibility.  There are other times when I think my husband needs to realize that there is a reason I think he is, in certain circumstances.

I recently got engaged to my bf, its been all great till now - he is a successful entrepreneur. he makes me laugh a lott! is very kind and sensitive. kids just love him!

he recently told me about his adhd - yes he is hyper full of energy,  is restless quite a lot , says he just wants nothing more than to be inside a calm body just to be calm for a day ........

after I started reading on adhd on this website & others I was filled with so much negativity. And now I am feeling like clueless.

Sadly, I have found out that although some of his behaviors were caused by the ADHD, underneath it all, he really didn't love me.  It's time to walk away.  I just wish I hadn't wasted so much of myself on him.  

So needless to say, after 3 years of hell I no longer trust my judgement.  I've thought I knew what I was doing hundreds of times.  Turns out I never did.  I had recently decided to leave my ADHDer.  Besides not being there for me emotionally, he has become verbally abusive.  There is good though...many of the worst parts of his life have gotten better...much better.  He is working hard.  He is improving.  Maybe not on us as much as I need, but definitely on himself.  And from what I've read, fixing yourself is often the most important thing in these relationships.  Being able to take care

I ask because I am very confused by my husband's coaching experience.  It has been nothing at all like I've expected it to be, and hubby just seems to go with whatever with no real goals for coaching, which I think makes it harder for everyone.  He has done 2 types of coaching now with 3 individuals and only the middle one made sense to me.

Patience and Timing...  Timing and Patience...

...seem to be the root causes of many of the troubles between my wife and I.

Hyperfocus, inattentiveness, difficulties "reading" people, and a wibbley-wobbley sense of time all combine, so that while I might know what I should be doing, I never quite seem to do any of it at the right time.

An example...

I'm not quite sure what has changed at my house lately, but in the last few weeks my DW's shields have seemingly dropped to a level I've not seen in a long time. It seemed to start about two weeks after the whole "Car Misunderstanding" with me asking her how much weight she had lost. I know this seems like an easy thing to say as a compliment, but weight has been a Hot Topic for so long that I did not ever make a compliment referencing her weight.

I am 55 and my husband is 56.

...or so Hogarth Hughes tells the Iron Giant.

And it's that simple.

No one has to accept you just the way you are...  And that includes yourself.  If you do not like what you've become, you can choose to be better than you are.

There is nothing wrong with choosing to change who are. You are always who you are, even though you might no longer be who you were.  That does not have to be a bad thing.

Be who you want to be.

Pb.