Alrighty, gang... Need a bit of help on this one. I'm not going to deny that I've been in my own little world with regards to my relationship with my dear ADHD partner. Things must be done my way. I've had a very clear "script" in my head on how things should go, etc. Not uncommon for us codependents, really. :) A lot of my troubles have been with things not getting done MY way, and I'd freak out when they weren't. (Just like it says in Melissa's book!)
We are two different people....he thinks soooo different from me...we may have the same excitement to go the same places,do the same things..go on romantic vacations....but can we last?am I wasting my time trying?should I continue this relationship with him?I don't know what to do?
Is there anything I can do about it, without getting myself in trouble?
I suspect YYZ is in for another dose of deja vu.
To keep it short... I've always had a high sex drive, I'm a guy, I enjoy it, it was always one way I could should give my wife some focused attention and thereby demonstrate that I loved her, it made me feel wanted and loved in return, and in retrospect I'd also probably been using it to unknowingly self-medicate my ADHD before it was diagnosed.
I've long struggled with the feeling that my ADD guy is "not interested" in me, and then struggled with the idea that I need "too much" attention. He tends to either not pay attention when I'm speaking, or cut me off to do something else (including leaving the room), or interrupt to talk himself. Not interrupt as in contribute to the "conversation" but to change the subject completely. About two years ago, I almost entirely stopped answering his question "How was your day?" because I realized he didn't really want an answer. He's very satisfied with "pretty good" or "busy" or "not bad",
I am 25 years old and have been in a 2.5 year relationship with my partner who has ADHD. He has had it since childhood, and was on medication until he was 21, after which he stopped it as he never liked the side effects and felt that he was too 'serious' on it. Ever since we got together we have fought over his jealousy, insecurity, and quick temper where he will swear at me and explode before cooling down and expecting me to forgive him. I am a doctor and well aware of the ADHD relationship problems, especially after reading this site.
My DH has been on meds for about the past month? strattera. Yes, sometimes, most of the time, he is doing better. He's on 100mg a day with an antIdepressent. Seems to be going ok.
Here's my dilemma.
It was pretty brutal there for over a year. Every time I want to forgive, I cry. Diagnosed severe ADHD.
How do I ever trust that person won't come back?
Lots of hurt...lots.
I've always loved music... Way back when I was school and college, I played trumpet and sang in all sorts of bands, choirs, and choruses. It always helped focus my mind, when I never knew I had ADHD. It helped me express myself in ways that I could never find adequate words for. So, allow me to continue the tradition with songs that exemplify, to me, what it's like to live inside my head.
Feel free to join in, should the mood strike you.
I had written this poem awhile ago and until now didn't realize it was describing my feelings in relation to my husband's ADHD.
I intend to make it into a short film. If any are interested in reading the script, please let me know and I will post it. It would make me feel better to know that there are others out there who feel the way I do. Sometimes describing a scene expresses my feelings better than words can.
The Sad Butterfly
I need you but you are empty
My husband and I have been married for almost nine years. He was diagnosed as a child with ADHD, but not by a specialist, by his mother, and was never treated. He was treated for depression and Tourette Syndrome. He has been recently diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and is receiving treatment. Yesterday we met with the specialist and he should be starting his new medication tomorrow. I am hopeful and anxiously awaiting a change. At the clinic I bought the book The ADHD Effect on Marriage. How I wish I had found this book long ago.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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