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The situation (somewhat simplified version) is as follows.

I have heard my wife (ADD) say that she needs me (non-ADD) to say affirming things more often and criticize her less often.  I think I am criticizing her less and saying affirming things more.  I hear her saying that it is not enough, that she needs me to say affirming things even more often and criticize even less often.  

My wife and I are stuck in a vicious cycle of "the blame game."  I'll ask her a question, like "Do you know where the attachment for the vacuum is?"  She'll hear it as a criticism, as if I said "I can't find the attachment to the vacuum and it's your fault."  She will respond by yelling "I DON'T KNOW."  I'll respond by saying "Why are you yelling at me?"  And she'll say something like "I'm tired of being blamed for everything."  And I'll say "I wasn't blaming you for anything.  I was just asking you for help finding something.

Does anyone have any idea how to make an ADDer care when they lose your stuff?

My daughter gave me a GPS for Christmas because I always get lost. I mostly only go to work, school and the grocery store, so I let my husband use it. (His job requires him to travel from client to client, so he could use it.) I told him I'd want to use it if we went anywhere.

The divorce looks inevitable to me now. He was diagnosed a number of months ago, after he had what looked like a nervous breakdown and left. He's on meds (as far as I know), but is with a non-ADD therapist (again, as far as I know) who, according to one other professional source I've consulted about this, knows almost nothing of the condition or how it should be treated. So, my husband is largely untreated and thinks all of the problems with the marriage were due to me, or, in his "kinder" moments, some vague sense of incompatibility.

Hi.  I apologize in advance that this is going to long...

Hi there,

I stumbled across this site by chance and have been really impressed by the community and support offered.  Good stuff.  That said, I'm a first time forum poster.  Here goes.

My gorgeous boyfriend and I are getting married this weekend!!  So excited. Yes he has ADD and I am a worrywart but between the two of us, we complement each other in all the right ways.  Sure, we still have days when the world gets on top of us but generally these issues are not ADD related - they are just part and parcel of a long term, committed and loving relationship. Generally I do not post on here anymore, hell I even barely check the site.  I have had too many people on this forum try and bring me down simply because I am happy and my partner is happy - and we are living with ADD.

When he is feeling angry about something I am saying to him, my ADD husband has said for as long as I have known him that "You are just like your mother!" He says this in a very angry and despising way. After that he tells me to "Shut up!". He does not like my countering him, however I do it.

It gets to me how he brings my mother into it as she has many qualities I don't like and find abnormal and intrusive. Ironically my husband is very like her. But it upsets me to be told I am like her.

Hi,

My partner is currently going through the process of being diagnosed with ADHD. He has all the classic symptoms and after reading Driven to Distraction we have both felt a huge sense of relief - we understand our day to day lives a bit more now.

My husband today mumbled, "Of course" as he was leaving the room in response to something my daughter said. I told him it was extremely rude and mean to respond that way. He was adamant that he didn't say anything at all. I was dumbfounded. I know what I heard.

He's done this in the past, also mixing up words - saying "left" when he meant "right" and actually saying he HEARD "right" come out of his mouth. If I hadn't had witnesses in some instances, I'd think I was going crazy?

Has anyone else experienced this? I am very concerned he has some serious condition.