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Hi all,

I'm really hoping someone might be able to offer me some words of wisdom. 

How many of us Nons have been told that we always have to have our way with things?

*raises hand*

I know another couple personally whose adhd spouse said that to the nonadhd spouse. So that makes two of us. 

We've always known that my husband had ADHD, however neither of us knew much about what that meant beyond trouble concentrating. During a period of depression I started seeing a therapist, and she quickly realized that his ADHD was a significant factor in our lives, causing many of the issues we had with each other. I started reading books on ADHD and marriage, I listened to the podcasts on this website, I read your stories and comments. I saw and heard so much of our relationship and it became clear. I wish we had known years ago what I know now.

On Tuesday my daughter had a very important accomplishment at school and was bursting to talk about it at the day's end (she is 11). My husband/her dad picked her up that day and was distracted by something else. He did not listen to what she was saying or treat it/her as his priority. Much like I have been, my daughter has been hurt by his inattention too many times. This time, she decided she would not speak to him. This lasted 3 days. She did not speak even a word no matter how hard my husband tried to get her to talk.

DH is the ADHD spouse..

It was never that big of an issue-the forgetfulness, the funny quirks...

Truly, it is the disconnect. The dropped communications, lack of follow through on commitments, never seeing the trees, maybe just the forest... never fully manifesting feelings and thoughts of love and consideration.

My wife came by my workplace for lunch today.  While we were eating, she asked me about a coworker who left her position yesterday:  "Did [manager] drive her out too?"  

Yes, just what I need, to have the manager who is making things difficult hear what I have told my wife about the situation.  Fortunately, only the person serving the lunch as there at the time.  I pointed the problem out to my wife and she apologized for "not thinking."

The result of the meeting was the psychologist/psychiatric nurse saying that many of my wifes behaviors could be ADHD, but she did not think trying medication was warrented--at least until we tried non-medical treatments.  She also said she would read the list of behaviors I made.  My wife took this as "She says I don't have ADHD."

I met someone two months ago we were on honeymoon status until she said something was bothering her about us she didn't know what it was . I immediately asked her calmly what was wrong and she told me she wasn't ready to talk yet . That she would tell me when she was ready . I asked her to please tell me as I knew it was going to torture me with anxiety . She continued to refuse . That's when the hulk came over..

Do any of you other non-ADHD spouses have tips for feeling cherished/appreciated/loved by your spouse? 

I'm just here to vent; I know people on this forum understand the challenges of living with (or no longer living with) a person with ADHD, and I appreciate that very much.