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I'm sorry it's taken this long to make this post but I wanted to make sure I've covered all my bases from both sides of my relationship with my and I think I have. I actually came back here to help my with this process and it's been hugely helpful. As usual I've learned a lot more than I ever expected.

I want to make this post however, as if I've never been here before and the people who know me can put my past history aside and trust I know what I'm saying. This will help me actually, from making another long winded post that goes on forever and get right to the facts. So without further adue.

Guys...I'm struggling with managing my own reactions and behaviours when it comes to my husband's dopamine rushes. He gets the dopamine rush, buys the 'thing' and then it's discarded in a pile (like, literal pile) in our house or backyard or whatever. Or he makes the grand gesture or declaration that he's going to do something and we ALL have to get in line.  Or some times, the purchase doesn't even MAKE it to the pile... it's still in the fecking box/wrapper sitting there for MONTHS if not YEARS. And the projects! The dopamine projects are everywhere in my home.

My SO is a Control Freak. Everyone who knows her says the same thing.....her friends, family members, her son and even she openly admits it. 

I, on the other hand, am a control freak, but more narrowly focused to things I do less my environment and other people. That's not to say I don't do the same things she does, but predominantly, my control focus is aimed in a different direction than hers.

There's an incredible video on YouTube entitled: How Wolves Changed Rivers that tells the story of what happened when they reintroduced wolves back into Yellowstone National Park. The net effect was something called a Trophic Cascade which is a miraculous phenomenon that takes place in a closed environment, when a small change ( in the big picture ) has an amazing impact on the entire ecosystem. I hope you can take a minute and watch this short video.

In my mind, this is how GOD works. You couldn't ask for a more profound example. 

I read some excellent articles about over explaining and ADHD; why it happens, and possible causes. This will be extremely helpful as it definitely applies to me. I can recall countless times in my life when people were trying to turn me off and I didn't know exactly why? Now I understand! 

Just another adaptive strategy that has a self sabotaging effect. And once more, I think this is just another ingrained habit that once served a purpose but no longer serves me. Getting about breaking this habit will be my next course of action.

Wife has told me she wants a divorce - stems from resentment which i think is due to her ADHD diagnosis

Taking a page from Reddit- Am I The A$$ H*le?

My view on my wife's ADHD and her many other unfortunate afflictions (type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, IBD, migraines, and anxiety) is that she needs to figure out how to adapt to the world within the constraints of her ailments. I know it's an over simplification that will likely be taken negatively, but I can't help make anything better for her if she doesn't have the drive to push through and overcome her issues.

My wife is currently unmedicated for ADHD. Her former PCP did an interview with her well over a year ago and concluded she has ADHD (which we already knew). At an annual follow up, she mentioned to her new PCP (PA for the former PCP) she wants to explore medication for ADHD. New PCP wanted a host of testing and we're waiting on the result. 

My ADHD husband gets stressed or overwhelmed, then lashes out and gets critical of me, and expects empathy. I've told him how this behavior makes me feel, but he refuses to take responsibility for the things he says.

Anyone else experience something like this?

Hello, 

I just wanted to look for support or help since I don't know how to handle the situation. My ADHD husband is not on medication, he's going to the gym to help him manage it. Doesn't seem to be working tbh... but anyway. My sister and mom are here for vacation, its been about a month now. They will be here for two more weeks. And whatever my sister does aggravates my husband. My sister is diagnosed, not managing ADHD, and no meds.