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Hi everyone, 

This is something I did not know, but it would have been nice if I had known it when I was young. When I think of it, it is pretty obvious.  I fell for it hundreds of times without realizing it.....  My H, the traveling salesman. H's threats are always coated with sugar.   People who act "too charming" now get on my nerves because I have been conditioned to expecting ulterior motives after a "charming" episode with him.

Deleting this post for privacy reasons

After 15 years of marriage, my spouse was diagnosed recently with ADD and we have just started reading Melissa's book. However, in stead of feeling relieved, I'm absolutely emotionally burnt-out and now, when seemingly we should have hope for a brighter future, I'm despairing more than ever, feeling, I have no energy or will to 'fix' this marriage, I'm done in and just want out, I'm so much happier and at peace when he's not around...what should I do? How can I motivate myself?

I did this exercise ( specific to my reactions and specific to my wife )  I did this immediately after  an exchange I had with her this morning where I got really pissed off, and I wanted to understand it better.  Namely for myself, but also, identifying what I have found so "dishonest" for lack of a better word.

I'm so glad to have found this site. I'm at wit's end! I've been married for 21 years and I don't know how much longer I can take living this way. My husband is a good man, I firmly believe he has good intentions and I believe that he loves me as best he can. He has severe ADD (not so much the HD part, thank the Lord) and has known he has this diagnosis for most of his life, but he refuses medication and he refuses to admit that it's an issue. He is so defensive, I never know when any comment is going to trigger anger and a huge defensive reaction.

I was just wondering how many people here have ADHD spouses who have extreme anxiety and/or sleepless nights with then sleeping during the day? My husband has both of these, and lately it's been way past the extreme point. He's worried about money, and rightfully so, since we are again on the brink of bankruptcy, but he handles all the finances, and we've never been able to get past "just getting by". (even with him making a good salary, and when we were both working)

How do partners get done what unquestionably needs doing, if one or both of them have frequent ODD reactions?

Some expectations, demands or requests that a partner do something are about things that can be skipped.  Definitiely, if it's ODD reaction happening, I choose to let some things go.

I am the spouse of a man with untreated ADHD. There are good times but there have been horrible times when he's told deplorable lies to avoid conflict, and has saddled me for years with the majority of the financial responsibility of our family and has emotionally abused me.

I love him but I'm burnt out from our marriage and I struggle to feel attracted to him. And I just don't feel valued and seen by him.