Recent forum posts (all topics)

This will be hard to explain but it is a pattern I have noticed over the years.   Here is an example from today.   We were looking at an area of the lawn we want to turn into a garden.   It faces south and on the right side there is a tree.  I have been watching this spot over months to see where the sun is.   It turns out the right 1/4 of it gets much less sun.   Today I explained this to him and he would not acknowledge my observation.   Instead, he started explaining the science of how that could not be.

My husband is ADHD and I'm not; we've been married for 17 years and have 2 children. He told me last night that he wants to leave the marriage. I'm devastated and am shaking.

During the summers he does a lot of boating with his boating friends. They're a community who likes to tie their cruiser boats together and camp all weekend. It seems to provide the perfect sensory overload that makes him feel at peace: lots of people around, music from each boat, drinking, partying. He said he wants to find someone who is more like him, who likes to party like that.

My wife and I have been together for 5 years (Married 1.5). I was diagnosed with ADHD just after we were married.  The diagnosis explained a lot of the problems we were having and some of my feelings for many years. Fast forward to now and we are still having problems. While I am working on myself (albeit slow progress), I don't feel like she wants to take any ownership about her role in our dynamics.  (I do plenty of this to the point where I am always feeling like the "identified patient.")

Does anyone else feel like their ADHD partner has a hard time keeping their young children safe and not needing supervision when with them?  My husband has endangered our child several times and because of him she got second degree burns on her hands when she was just a baby.  I always have to be watching him and making sure he's not doing things like leaving sharp knives out on the counter where she can reach them, etc.  I have had to step in several times over the past 4 years because he has done something dangerous that could result in her being seriously injured or worse.

So I am at the end of my rope this weekend with DH's inability to recall pretty much ANY conversation we have, either just the two of us or with the kids.  My oldest son turns 18 tomorrow.  He had prom last night, graduates from high school next Sunday.  He is VERY full of himself.  About two months ago, this child started teeing up the "when I turn 18 I can do whatever I want" conversation.  I mostly blew it off with humor--like "yep-good luck with that" type of thing but the more he brought it up, I had enough.  This same child leaves for a gap year in Costa Rica in September.

[Edited to remove reference to needing help being talked off the ledge]:  I decided to do some inside work today and went into the basement, which I avoid because it's so dirty and cluttered.  I found what might be new water damage.  I'm so depressed and upset about the condition of the house, which ex took responsibility for but then neglected.  Yesterday, I was cleaning out the gutters, which he said we shouldn't get replaced when we had the roof redone a few years ago.  They were clogged and my hands smelled like sewage afterward.

For me, traveling with my ADHD husband is truly a panic inducing experience. He has the overfocused type of ADHD. When we travel and he's in an unfamiliar environment, his brain isn't able to take everything in. He only comprehends about 50% of what is going on around him, maybe less.  This causes his judgement and decision making skills to b very impaired. I would say he makes some decisions at a 10 or 12 year old level. To further complicate matters, he insists on being in complete control of our activities and we are at his mercy.

I no longer feel I love my ADHD husband, not for about 6 months now. I feel terribly guilty about it because I know he's now trying to make changes (after telling him I want a separation) but it feels too late for me. He's no longer aggressive, but he is still very defensive and irresponsible and I struggle to find any positivity in our relationship to look back on. 

Has anyone felt this way and made a recovery? I feel so ambivalent about working on my marriage and running as far away as possible. 

The Bible I grew up on had quote after quote about how a woman should "obey" her husband as head of the house. Timothy and Paul especially demanded that a woman "stifle" and "submit" and be quiet because the woman was made "for" the man.  THIS is one of the main reasons I have been weak and do not like myself in my marriage.  I tried so hard to be a good girl and looked to the Bible for direction.

My Husband and I have been together for 17 years, married for almost 10.  I have always known he had ADHD (untreated) but had no clue the damage this was causing our marriage.  Like many others on here, I was feeling ignored, overwhelmed and lonely.  I work full time, and we have 2 young children and I had to take care of everything.  He is an electrician and started doing jobs for people in our community about 2 years ago.  Because of the praise and validation he receives from the people he helps, he became hyperfocused on the side jobs and spent very little time with us, his family.