Recent forum posts (all topics)

This is a well known situation that we just navigated together without any conflict. I won't say there's an exact resolution on my end, but a compromise was made.

If memory serves me ( I'm not 100% sure )...but in one of his books, Dr Hallowell talked about this very relationship issue, about himself, so I know I'm not alone. This has to do with waiting to do things ( until later ) or doing them right away ( first thing ) and the order in which people tend to do things. In our case, I'm the wait until later guy, and my SO is the do it right now first before you do anything else.

“I sat with anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief.”   C.S.Lewis

A first indication that my ex husband is sorry everything has ended badly with me and takes some responsibility for it. He allegedly has said he "hasn't found a way to change things for the better, yet".

To me, this is incredible. Imagine having had passing thoughts for A YEAR that you want to tidy up the trainwreck you left behind when you moved out after a two decade marriage and several children, but not lift a finger to actually do anything. Yet.

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So it's been a "hell" of a week for me.... but the trigger wasn't my spouse, its my mother and my unfortunate knowledge of how much of a co-dependant I've become and this has transferred to my marriage. Essentially my mother left me a 26 min voicemail that unsettled me so much Im now realising it affected EVERYTHING this week. And now my husband has disappointed me today (again. This is a daily occurance) and I find myself in a victim spiral that I now know is part of what is feeding my "need to be needed" co-dependancy traits....

Is it normal just to come here mostly for the bad stuff, the negative feelings?   My relationship has been pretty good the last couple weeks and I'm finding I don't write enough about this.   I still come and check the forum but considering maybe I should also write in when things are good (boring, but more stable) ? 

Does anyone else feel like this too? 

Hi everyone hope this is the right place. I'm looking for some help. My marriage is at breaking point at this moment in time. When I first meet my partner she had undiagnosed ADHD and her son also ( he was 3 at the time ) . Jump a few years ahead and they were both diagnosed with combined ADHD. We now have a child together now so their are 4 of us. 
 

"Art without intention is just an accident"

This was a phrase I learned long ago about doing art which is absolutely true. If you're just throwing paint on a canvas ( or whatever ) and it just happens to come out looking okay, there is no intention, that's just an accident. Like rolling the dice and hoping it comes up the numbers you want. That's just gambling, it's not a calculated risk. Same idea.

What happen's to the nervous system of adults who allow the living of lives, not their own, to have a repeated negative impact on themselves? People who we chose, by association, (spouse, parent, child, friend) to engage with, who's words, and behaviors a lot of the time can be wrong, intrusive, abusive, but are excused, justified, and for the most part never truly owned, and may be delivered w/o remorse, or apology?

I am at my wits end today, the frustration and anger is sitting in my stomach. We didn't even have a fight, it just that back and forth of toxic crap that I've realised I've had enough. Like, truly. Enough. Behaviour is a language and he clearly doesn't want to be with me or be a family or anything. And im paralysed. Just frozen and not sure what tomorrow should look like. When I wake up do i just say those words? That I've had enough and I don't want to do this anymore?? What has anyone else done? This just feels so weird and doesn't feel like it's coming from a place of fear or sadness.