With all the anger and frustration we as non adhd spouses feel, are there 3 things that if you could use a magic wand to change, what would they be? I am not talking about "curing" the ADHD symptoms, or magically erasing past behavior, but if there were 3 things your spouse could do different right now, that you think could save things or make things better between you, what would they be? For me, I would change the following:
This has been such an Odyssey trying to figure out...."who am I with "....that I wanted to make a quick post and say what I've found out and how I see my wife now compared to before I came home from my personal journey here.
I do think my wife is ADHD. Even though her mother was Bi-polar, I'm thinking less about that now. The symptoms just are lining up right and I've felt for a long time that are "so much the same in many ways." LOL That might be an understatement.
Hi y'all,
new guy here. I am the pt in our relationship and that part is well taken and acknowledged by both of us. My fist apparent problem to my wife was my alcoholism so we admitted myself into 30 in pt program and got a great doc. We discovered I was self medicating a lot of issues ADHD being primary.
As I have just come to discover with my wife and for those who have difficulty expressing their emotions....for those who yearn for more depth and more meaningful discourse with your spouse....this might be useful to you.
Coming back to some analogies used by my T to help get a better or clearer visual image..
In character again...
I need help to try and find out how to get something to work. I have ADHD husband who wants to be around the family, help out with our child but never has time or energy to do it. I am going to take his word that he wants to do these things but its ADHD that is not allowing him to do it even though I have starting to second guess everything lately.
I have been together with my partner for four years and it has been really difficult time. I am just now trying to figure out if I should continue. During good times my partner is very sweet and caring. He has supported me throughout therapy and also regularly does me small gestures. It is also really nice to talk to him and he is definitely brilliant in his own way. The problem is, I am very demotivated to stay in our relationship. It feels to me, that it is a constant struggle. Lets start with his anger outbursts and problems accepting criticism.
I could live with alot...I can put up with alot. I can cope with a messy house, I can cope with the forgetfulness, I can actually love the sudden changes in plans. I can forgive the forgotten chores. All pretty easily, small stuff really. I can give support and encouragement, and help with anything he wants and needs.
So my 17 year old DS was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 6 and he has been medicated, seen ADHD coaches, been to counseling, been to peer groups--basically, he had all the support and interventions we could provide and now heading into his senior year in high school, he is functioning amazingly well. I want to stress how much hard work it has been to get him to that point though--phone calls and meetings and evaluations and charts and consults and appointments. My point is to see how well he is doing now it was all worth it.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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