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Hi. 

I think this particular piece of advice from this forum could easily apply to all sectors of married life.  

"The goal is to be the best people we can be...and see if this keeps us married.  You don't want to remain married at all costs (that's the "old" way)"  ~Melissa Orlov~   

I choose to believe my ADHD spouse and I are both working on that.

Good morning. 

Where to begin? Ahh, perhaps the beginning:

I was diagnosed with ADD in my mid-20s when I only had two toddlers and was a navy wife stationed hundreds of miles from family, friends, and support. I was overwhelmed and not keeping up with domestic tasks. I was placed on Adderall with no therapies. It raised my BP so my PCM placed me on wellbuterin. That gave me migraines. After becoming frustrated with my PCM over constant ineffective med changes and all the side effects that came with them, I gave up and learned to cope on my own.

Husband's problems with ADHD nearly killed our cat and could have potentially hurt us and the pets in multiple situation

I'm not sure whether to cry with joy or sadness at finding this site--I'm so relieved to find others going through the same things, but then I'm sad for those of you going through the same things!  I've been overwhelmed lately, with the normal responsibilities that I have to take care of since P doesn't follow through with much, even when I ask for help.

How do you find a therapist who is experienced in ADHD couples? I secretively asked my husband's doctor for one for me to see to try to learn to cope with his ADHD and stay married. After waiitng months to get in her schedule, I' ve had several visits where I always leave feeling like I've wasted my time and money. Not one bit of advice on how to cope other than seeming to support divorcing him or "assertiveness training" for me which has thus far involved my writing down when I feel I wasn't assertive.

I need help on this rollercoaster. 

I wrote this in Feb of this year, just had to get it out of my head.

I could really use some advice or encouragement here. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD about 5 months ago and am still just learning the impact it has and continues to have of me and my relationship with my wife. A the same time, my wife is also going through her own battles with grief (lost her brother) and chronic illness (resurgence of Lyme) that is physical exhausting and in addition to her ongoing depression and anxiety. This is creating a Catch 22 situation in which we are really not supporting each other because we both need support ourselves! As a result, we both don't feel supported by the other and that is taking a huge toll on our relationship.

SO hates dishes but doesn't feel confident enough about any other household task to take it on without asking me to do it for him or expecting me to stand right over him and issue instructions every five seconds. (Not quite true . . . he "does the laundry," i.e., he starts a load of laundry, plays computer games for 2 hours, finishes the load, sets the laundry basket near the computer for another 2 hours, half-heartedly folds a few items from the basket, forgets it's clean, throws a few dirty things on top, and puts the whole thing back in the washer. Multiple times a week.