Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi there I am new here and need some advice..My husband and I have been married for 20 years and in that time I seem to always b the last on his list of priorities.

I am from England so I hope it's ok for me to post here. Please help if you can. I did join an aspergers spouse's site but my husband is convinced he has ADHD and reading some of the posts on here, I think he may have. Are these 'symptom' you can all relate to and say for sure that he has ADHD.? Is sometimes so quiet and moody that I am scared to speak to him Sits on his computer 24/7 and even when we have guests (which isn't often) Is unable to look after our grandchildren properly, is easily distracted and dosn't seem to see that they are only small and cannot baby sit themselves.

I posted this on another topic:

"

The love languages are a real thing, I encourage anyone to find out what their love language is, and what their spouse's is as well.  For instance, my H language is "Acts of Service" almost exclusivly.  And mine is a mix of "Physical Touch" and "Words of Affirmation"  (physical touch doesnt have to be sexual touch FYI).  Based on that, the goal for our relationship would be for:

1. me to become comfortable with accepting his acts of service as him expressing love to me

I don't understand how when I can ask a very simple question, how I am supposed to be just fine when the answer is given with rolling eyes, and an irritated annoyed tone.  I am sick of being treated like that and when I point out I was simply asking so that I could determine my plans around his activity, his response is that he "just replied is all" now annoyed that I am pointing out his tone with me.  He doesn't see it, doesn't acknowledge it, and again I am sure assumes I am simply trying to control him.

Well, my new friends in ADHD, my purchase of the book I was hoping would help save things and bring about new understanding is actually backfiring. 

My wife, who is only about a fourth of the way into the book is now using what she is reading against me. Saying things like "you see what your doing wrong, do you see now why I'm so mad and what you are not doing".   She just about threw it at me yesterday in anger. 

This post is really directed towards those of us here who are the ADHD spouse (versus the non ADHD spouse - but please feel free to chime in too!).

RoseRed, Liz, Dede, all of you non ADHD spouses who are constantly pulled down, knocked down and kicked, hit with a brutality of emotion few can ever even comprehend.... J, Todd - all of you ADHD spouses who have the courage to question yourself and reach for help... find it in yourself. Become the best you, and never ever give in.

I know I have some fire to walk through still, but through it I can see a beautiful life flickering between the flames.

I heard this today, sent by someone who has gone through the fire herself and came out like a phoenix.

Because of the current state of my relationship with my husband, I do not feel like I can or should create or participate in any interaction that is not 100% necessary to living together.

With all the anger and frustration we as non adhd spouses feel, are there 3 things that if you could use a magic wand to change, what would they be?  I am not talking about "curing" the ADHD symptoms, or magically erasing past behavior, but if there were 3 things your spouse could do different right now, that you think could save things or make things better between you, what would they be?  For me, I would change the following: