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I don't want to leave my ADHD husband, but after nearly 20 years of being married, I am so tired. I'm so lonely, and I feel too old for not yet 40. I don't dream any more, or plan, because I know that even though it's not his fault, nothing we plan will ever come true. I'm so tired of the shame, of our overgrown yard, our disastrous finances, every day that passes with nothing to show except the same old arguments and his promises that he's heard me when I know in my heart, he can't change.

Another football season has begun, and another few months of weekend hell.   This early afternoon we were at a group function and someone had a football game on.  The teams weren't even any of H's favorite teams....He has one big favorite and a few other favorites.   He started screaming at some of the penalty calls, the bad throws, you name it.   Then later this afternoon, one of his favorite teams was playing and it was actually scary to be around him.  He threw the remote in anger .

Hi.
I am starting to believe that I maybe adhd/add....I have recently started living with my partner who ls adhd. The more I read about it, it feels like I'm reading about myself. But I'm interested to know how paranoia fits into the diagnosis. I have occasional boughts of extreme paranoia....i can be in top form, and suddenly....one word, a look, or even a movement can start me think the worst - that she is having an affair, and it's impossible to shake off...for the record I'm not the jealous type normally....but this paranoia is horrible....

I admit, if I had known anything at all about adult ADHD in my husband, prior to marrying him I would have researched and known what I was in for, and surely headed for the hills!

But I didn't. I had no idea that my dh had been diagnosed as a child, and has lived his entire adult life not even acknowledging he still has it, and didn't tell me anything. I was so unfamiliar with ADHD, except that children are diagnosed for this or ADD, thought they outgrew it.

I ask myself,  "What do you want?"  I can never put my finger on this question to myself - of what do I want for myself.  I realize that I have not "wanted" for decades.  OR better said, I WANTED my family to feel taken care of and to have a nice home and a loving family.  THAT is what I wanted.  I worked like crazy and sacrificed gladly.  I was empathic and saw my role in life as someone who supported my husband and 2 sons to achieve in what THEY wanted for themselves.  I supported my husband even more than my sons toward what HE wanted and with what HE could handle.

Greetings,

Hello,

Please  find below the last email I sent to my husband, we are married for 4 years with a 3 years old beautiful girl. He also has PTSD , anxiety and sometimes panic attacks, it is surreal, I have been trying for my daughter, but I am seriously thinking about leaving this relationship. 

He just started adderall I am not sure why it is taking a while to work, I had really 3 days in a month!

Is there anybody to give me some hope that things can get better with the right medicine? 

I have ADHD, diagnosed for over 10 years.  I take medication - I also have lupus.  These two things combined along with my general inability to fix anything are destroying my marriage. My husband is tired of me - and rightfully so.  We are living apart for the 2nd time, after being married 5 years.  We have 6 children between us, but none together.  I can't get it together.  He is tired of waiting for me to change.  Tired of my lack of follow through.  Tired.  I'm not suicidal, but I'm pretty damn close.  I don't want to live this chaotic life, but I don't know how to fix it.