Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi all,

I'm new here. Up late tonight very frustrated. Could really use some sympathy or insight as to how to cope...

Right now, I am dealing with a LOT of stress. It's so bad that I am witnessing physical effects happening as a result. DH is well aware of this. And I keep telling him about how overwhelmed I've been feeling, especially lately. And yet, he still insists on asking me to do all kinds of "simple" additional tasks throughout the day and then gets mad at me when I don't want to do them (or *gasp* I forget to do them). This REALLY infuriates me! 

Okay, starting over. Changing my post. Husband has ADHD and mood disorder issues. I have a history of mood disorder issues but no symptoms for years beyond normal responses to my environment. My symptoms were the result of living in a difficult home environment and with time away from that and focusing on healthy living the symptoms have gone away, but my reactions to some things can still be difficult. 

We have been married less than three years.

I want to rely on him and I'm pissed that I can't.

Recently my husband (who has diagnosed ADD and is on Strattera)  and I have been seeing a marriage counselor for over a year who specializes in Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), whom I engaged because we needed someone who could explain emotions without using emotions words (which he doesn't understand) and she said she could.  She's suggesting my husband has features of Asperger's (AS) - not being able to connect emotionally, not able to validate emotions, not reading non-verbal signals, and other symptoms.

My husband has severe adhd. We got married last August and we love each other so much. Before we got married I knew he ran late to things and wasn't very responsible, but I thought it would be okay. In the first few months of our marriage he barely got up in the morning before 11 or 12 for classes (He's in engineering school). There are all sorts of problems like getting places on time, and he is a big procrastinator. He is in school and he started his first year this year and he is failing because he didn't do the homeworks or go much to classes.

Maybe this is another dumb question, and maybe can't be answered quickly, but here goes. At what point do those of us who are married to ADHD'ers (who are trying to get better) actually FEEL better about OURSELVES? (ESPECIALLY after so many YEARS of living with them UN-treated and UN-diagnosed and under-diagnosed and under-treated?)

I realized today that "poor decision making" is a character trait that has negatively affected me for all of my 61 years. (I am male and on ADHD medication).  Example of how this plays out with my wife of 37 years:  She likes plants, gardens, flowers, etc. in our yard. When I am: weed eating, using 'Round-Up,' or cutting the grass, I often get so close to the garden, plants, etc. that I kill or damage plants. My wife is at her 'wits end' because she feels like I do this on purpose to hurt her.

I met this women almost a year ago.  I seemed relieved finally could put up with my ADHD and non ADHD idiosyncrasies.  I was the typical ADHD attention seeker for the first couple of months.  The downside is that she was pretty clueless about some of the day to day events and had problems with interpreting what people were interacting with her.  Even her daughter took advantage of her.  I became her advisor of sorts, me and my impulsive behavior and disorganization.  I would analyze the interactions with her daughter and she followed them and their relationship seems to have improved.

I wanted to make some observations about this topic and compare them to myself and my past vs present.  I think two things happen when we have expectations of what "should be" and then it doesn't happen: 1) we are disappointed and 2) we (can) get angry if we never seem to get what we expect.  The question becomes...where do these expectations come from in the first place?  How did we arrive at these expectations and why do we have them?  Where does the concept of things that "should be" originate and is this even realistic in the first place.  No one can predict the future or know what anot