It's disheartening when you look at the truth sometimes and today was one of those days. I've had a great deal of success with my ADHD symptoms and as far as my spouse tells me........things have improved for her as well. The realization that is probably the hardest to look at but yet is the undeniable truth is that the things that cause her the most grief about being in a relationship with are a my ADHD symptoms. No surprise here for anybody.
My husband will sometimes playfully tickle me but sometimes does it very aggressively to the point where it's super uncomfortable and I can't breath. I can't get away from him and have to use all my strength to roll off the couch onto the floor and crawl away trying to get away from him. He seems to think it's a game and how I love it and he continues to do it to the point where I have to scream at the top of my lungs to let me go. Sometimes I just scream "911" which makes him immediately release his grip on me and goes "Shhh! Was that really necessary?" YES! Stop means stop!
I don't know what to do anymore. My husband and I have had multiple issues with his ADD in the past. I have dealt with it, accepted it, been a slave to it, worked with it and around it and accommodated for it and everything in between. I have been above and beyond patient with this. He is RARELY patient and understanding with me and how his behavior affects me. To his credit, we have had occasional breakthroughs here and there where he finally admits to how he can see that his behavior makes me feel unimportant and he does apologize for it, and that's all I really want.
I think this statement qualifies as flawed thinking. I've discovered some of my own since I stumbled on this forum which I'm seeing as one more step forward in attempting to find the things about myself that are affected by my ADHD and the parts that are not. So far.......the ones that are appear to be on par with the ones that are but..... I did come to a few new realizations in both areas of my personality and behavior which I attribute directly from the content I've read here.
Another question for all of you. Do those of you with ADHD spouses/ boy/girl/friends notice a difficulty in their ability to express the proper emotion with the correlating words/actions? and do they understand what they are doing with this? My ADHD husband does not show many emotions that I "normally" display with ease, but since he won't discuss it with me, I don't know what to think. Anyway, when your significant other says they "love and appreciate you", is it said with the correlating facial expressions or bodily gestures that typically go with it?
I am losing respect for my spouse with ADHD. We've been married for over 8 years. He uses ignorant language like calling people or situations "Retarded" and says the F word like it is part of regular speech. It's embarassing to me even if no one is in the room but us- and I cringe when I hear him talk like this. I don't remember him talking like this when we were first together- its like it slowly came out as the years went on. Now that we have an young son, I am especially sensitive to what he says as I don't want my son to think talking like this is ok.
I posted for the first time here 6 days ago. Sorry I didn't get back to the couple of people who posted back but had a chest infection and been laid up. One reply was from someone in a relationship experiencing life with an ADHD partner,not yet with a legal commitment (i.e. marriage) and as yet no children...right or wrong my advice would be to get out now. Time and certainly children will not make things better,just a whole lot worse.
This drives me nuts! He is the cook in the house so I leave him be in the kitchen to make dinner and I am the clean up crew. I walk in the kitchen after he's cooked and the silverware drawer is open along with the cabinet where he got the dishes out. In the bedroom when he takes a pair of socks out of the drawer he doesn't close it. What is it in their brain that makes it so hard to close a drawer after you open it?
We have been talking about stuff and it seems to me that he wants me to stop being hurt and angry and be all nice to him, watch my tone, tippytoe around him etc. but he has not tried changing anything for me. He's still ignoring me when I talk to him, still emotionally shutting me out, still accusing me and flipping out at the slightest thing. I don't know why the burden of change is squarely on my shoulders as if my changing will suddenly make him change.
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