Recent forum posts (all topics)

There seems to be a lack of real empathy from dh.  As though other people and animals are there for HIS enjoyment, comfort, biding.  There seems to be a lack of care of other's feelings and needs.  I think this is the hardest part of living with him.  It makes me, the partner/spouse, unseen and unheard. The crazy-making part is that he screams that I am not loving enough when it is HIM that does not seem to care AT ALL about how I feel or what I think.

My husband started a diet last year (May 2013). I cannot tell you the difference it has made in his roller coaster personality (ADHD). He has been more consistent with moods, doesn't get angry over every little thing and stays focused on conversation, and doesn't say wacky things that make no sense. He has always had a big appetite and he is now watching his calorie intake and has lost 90 pounds. I can not express enough what a huge difference this has made in him not only physically but mentally. Praise God!

So for a full year, I thought we were both working towards acquiring what was necessary to get the counseling that we need.

It has hit me full force that I was once again, the foolish wife of an ADHD spouse who dared to believe that it could be different.  And at the end of the year of work, I find out he chooses his anger and his stuff over me.

That reality has hit me full force, and it so much more painful than I ever thought it would be. I really, truly thought we would make it.  I did. Honestly I did. 

Separation.  Such a filthy word.

I asked my spouse if he wanted to discuss his visit with a pastor last night. Before he left last night, he had told me he would tell me when he came home if he was going to stay or go.   I was 'assuming' he had gone because he was miserable.  Maybe hit bottom.

What he told me is the pastor said we needed to go to marriage counseling.  I replied that we have been going to counseling for the past umpteen years.  We also ended our last counseling sessions last January when we were both told we had things to accomplish before we could be helped.

Being alone even though you're together.  Having a partner but having to do the lion's share.

Being on the receiving end of bursts of temper that you remember, but he doesn't.

Being blamed in an instant for everything...everything. 

Being the dumping ground for all of his negative experiences.  Not even being asked how your day was.  He feels better, you feel worse.

Feeling guilty about intimacy issues, but it's because you feel like a parent to him.

I am seriously thinking of filing for divorce from my diagnosed ADHD husband.  I don't know that all of the problems we have can be attributed to his ADHD, and of course I realize i'm not perfect :), but I can't stand this life any longer.  He doesn't even see what he's doing.  He seriously has worked less than 40% of the time during our 7 years of marriage and many of those jobs were very poor paying ones.  Yet he says (and acts like he truly believes) that he has worked his butt off and contributed to the household.  He went through our entire savings trying to start various businesses, t

I just can't live in the same house and watch my spouse spiral into deeper and deeper anger.  His behavior - MY paradigm - has become more egotistical and self-centered. 

I am very frustrated, disappointed and overwhelmed that the work to legally separate falls to me.  However, it is my decision.  Not choice.  I do not want a divorce.   

I spent the past 12 months following the last instruction I had from a marriage counselor.  And, YES, it is true, I thought it would elicit change in my spouse.  And yes, it is true, today, at this minute, I do not like him very much.

New to being here and I don't even know if I qualify. I love my husband. But I'm frustrated. When we met he said he liked that I worked and that I'm responsible.  He told me he just got hired at a good job. So he quit the current job and took a couple weeks off before starting his new job. I thought that's understandable. Little did I know, until now years later, that this is a pattern with him. Many jobs and years later here I am, frustrated and scared. He really did finally get a good job and at first he was over the moon and happy. Then the pattern started once again.

Hi everyone.  I was recently dumped, for lack of a better word, by my ADHD partner of 9 years.  He denied there being another woman involved, but I am becoming more and more suspicious and paranoid that there is. 

So I guess the spiteful, spurned side of me wants to hope that his future relationships will fail too...that he won't find the happiness that was denied to me.

What is your experience with this?  Did your ADHD spouse have a successful relationship with his mistress or future partners?   

Being in a relationship with someone with untreated ADHD has been compared to being in a relationship with an alcoholic, where the non-addict spouse almost inevitably becomes somewhat codependent. The codependent non-addict spouse falls into a pattern of "enabling" the addict by rescuing them, by cleaning up after them, by picking up the slack etc.  Because of this enabling behavior the addict doesn't have to face the consequences of his own actions, and therefore is never motivated to change his behavior.