Recent forum posts (all topics)

Non ADHD Spouse with frustrations and concerns.

 Very new to all of this and grateful to have found this site. Married 13 years and miserable most of that time. My husband is 65 and displays most of the classic symptoms of ADHD. Can't remember anything, loses track of time, unreliable, misplaces things, absent from the marriage... the list goes on.
 

How do I help my partner who has RSD? The RSD  incidents get extreme from me saying normal things which trigger them because of their insecurities and sense of failure. 
 

I am constantly trying to help and support them. It's draining because I have to continually apologise for saying what would be normal things to anyone else. Friends notice how they behave and say I've done nothing wrong. 
 

They lash out with cruel words, give me the silent treatment, go off for hours and then I wait until they come back to be told off. 
 

Step 1: A place to cultivate empathy for our ADHD partners.

Hello everyone!  I am married to a lady (Kim) who I now understand struggles with ADHD/OCD related challenges.

She has only been able to hold jobs for about three months out of the last nine years. Her brother suggested I read the book "Scattered" by Gabor Mate which I did and I am now on Chapter 6 of the ADHD Effect on Marriage.

Thank you very much for your book, Melissa, I feel you have been reading my mail :-) 

Just started reading the book and wow I didn't feel so alone after reading about non-ADHD spouses.

Help me?

Hello again, divorce from my severe ADD husband is slowly progressing.

Things are surreal. My husband who for 22 years has relied on me for all planning, prioritizing and all ideas, and the brunt of practical parenting, who hasn't been able to reliably work even part time in five years, now has great confidence in making an equal parent for our children post divorce.

Just finished the book and I have a question about the learning conversations and mirror conversations.  Does anyone do these in real life? I honestly cannot fathom my husband (ADHD) and myself (ADHD-ish but more a nag) speaking to each other like this. We are the couple that almost got kicked out of Lamaze class for laughing when the instructor said that he'd need to tell me really nice things when I was at the peak of labour pains. Lucky for him I ended up with 3 c-sections which he was completely silent all the way thru.

Advice needed on how much to shield or deal with the ADHD spouse in relation to your kids. Specifially when you can see that the ADHD spouse and their behaviour is affecting them. I feel like I'm throwing my son to the wolves and it's heart breaking...but I also can't fix the disappointment that my spouse brings to his relationship with his son.