Recent forum posts (all topics)

Will It Ever Get Better

New to this site and forum and having a particularly hard day.  My husband was diagnosed with ADHD 15 months ago at age 39 after years of dealing with anxiety and depression and not being correctly diagnosed with the underlying ADHD he's had his whole life.  He is now on medication, going to start working with an ADHD executive skills coach, and we are seeing a couples therapist who specializes in ADHD but the rollercoaster of this ride has felt unbearable at times and is making me question whether or not I can stay in this marriage.  I'm worried so much damage has been done over the past 9

Sunk Cost Fallacy

Forum: 

I was reading a post today that reminded me of the above phrase. The definition of sunk cost fallacy :

the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial.

 

 

Lost and Alone

Hi. I'm new here.

I've been reading through some posts and I can see so many similarities with my situation. My head is mashed with everything I'm dealing with so I've probably left out a lot of details. 

My wife's behaviour has changed so much recently and I dont know what to do. Shes identified to me that she thinks she might have ADHD. All the signs are there, but she will not have a talk with her Dr because she says they cannot give her anything to fix it and it will effect her having the kids if anything was to happen in our marriage. 

SENSE CHECK NEEDED: poor ADHD behaviour

Hello

Ive posted here before about my separation. Its been 5months and things are calm. However im now in the mindset of "was what hapoened really that bad - should i go back". This is because ive been in denial, and have PTSD i think. So my ADHD partner of 20years has done the following (that i know of or have found. There could be more):

1. Sexually explicitly messaged another woman 11years ago, prior to proposing. 

2. Messaged his ex girlfriend to clear the air prior to the wedding, stating "dont get me wrong, i do love her but i wish i settled down sooner" - 10years ago

3. Sept 2020 he threatened to leave me, we were not get along at all  

4. He got fired for sexual harassment in dec 2020. Sending a pornagraphic image if a mans body parts to a woman, commenting on another womans "big boobs' and various other inappropriate comments. I helped during the HR process. Told him to resign and he ignored me. The following 1.5years to 2022, he showed no appreciation towards me for suppirting him and building him up again following him getting fired. No dates, weekends away, or generally grovelling. 

5. March 2021 he partially completed a dating profile. It was not and is not active. It has a radom picture, his name and fake DOB

6. I found chitchat message attempts to ither woman dec 2021, june 2022. These were late at night and checking in on them. They did not reply. 

7. He was a frequent pot user from 2005 to 2020. This has now stopped when he got fired. My issue here is he says he stopped it for me. He didnt, he stopped due to getting fired. He smoked everynight from 2017 to 2020, therefore impacting our intimacy levels.

I separated in nov 2022. However all is now becoming real. My children are on a 50/50 custody split which i didnt want and think that is the reason i stayed so long. Am i mad to have left? Is any of this infidelity or cheating? My mind is so warped as i took on the ADHD narrative of its all a joke and no intent to hurt me. Thanks for your help as im drowning without my children. 

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