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Someone please say you've been through this too...

I'm currently separated from my ADHD husband. 

When we met, he was a brilliant, fast paced thinker in a high-powered corporate job doing tech support. He loved it. I loved him. He was CLEARLY ADHD, but when I asked him about it, he said it had never affected his life, so he didn't ever look into a diagnosis. Our courtship was exactly what would be expected with an ADHD/planner couple. It was fabulous.

Our lives have become unmanageable

"A person only has this minute, or this hour, or this day to work with, and what you do with it is your choice.  I could fritter it away with fear, resentment and worry, or I could turn it to some more pleasant or productive purpose.  Either way, no one is watching to chastise me for my choice.  This is a great relief.  I had always felt that my every move was being scrutinized, as if I was the center of the universe and on the verge of being found wanting. it is  delightful to learn that I am free to make mistakes, to do more or less than I had planned and even to squander time.

Abandoned and angry

Married 16 years, 6 kids. None of the issues we are experiencing now are new, but things have never been worse.

The first 4 years of our marriage were very traumatic to me because I left my country to move to his, and when I arrived there he did nothing to provide for us. He wanted to study so he did that, and I had to go to the humiliation to go the welfare office so we had money to eat. Nobody hired me because I did not know the language and then I found myself pregnant. I resented him ever since for that time.

Choosing between him or the dishes?

I know the subject sounds strange, but bear with me. This morning, for the millionth time, I awoke to a sink full of dirty dishes. Each night before bed, I clean the kitchen, load the dirty dishes in the washer, and set it to run overnight. Most nights, my husband, who is ADHD (diagnosed 2 years ago and taking meds but with no real difference in behavior), raids the kitchen and fills the sink with his dirty dishes (or leaves them lying around the house). I have asked (and begged) him hundreds of times to PLEASE put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher before going to bed.

Spouse is Self-Medicating

We've had such a stressful two years while my husband (he has ADHD) was very ill. He's now recovering. While ill he didn't drink any alcohol. Now when he feels stressed out he'll have a drink and it only takes a very small amount for him to get "buzzed." I think in his mind he's thinking that he's only had two drinks so how could I possibly be upset?   If he calls me on the way home from work I can tell on the phone if he's stopped for a drink -- the tone of his voice changes and he speaks in a sloppy way, not quite slurred but almost.

I don't know what to do from here, where am I going wrong

My fiance and I have been together for about 3 years and have a 16 month old son together.  He has always been a very caring and attentive person, but these last few months have been so difficult that I don't know what to do or if there even is a solution.  I feel like the life that I thought we had together is suddenly just falling apart or maybe I was just imaging that things were good before.

Feeling like it's the last straw

This is my first post after reading this site on and off for years. I feel like I have no one to talk to (except my therapist who has saved my sanity and is a godsend!) that understands what a rollercoaster being married to ADHD spouse is except you all and so here goes... I have been married for 17 years and have two teenagers. My son was diagnosed with ADHD 2 years ago which led my husband into finally seeking treatment for his undiagnosed ADHD after much prodding from me. DH takes meds but that is the extent of his treatment. I will admit they help but not nearly enough.

Hyperfocus

Forum: 

Hi I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months he has ADHD and ive never been happier ive read all the stories how people talk about hyperfocusing in ADHD and realized my partner did and still does sweep me off my feet but with us it works two ways as I no i do the same for him. Upon reading about hyperfocusing i mentioned it to my partner he had no idea about this and was devastated in tears. He keeps saying that his not going to change towards our relationship etc the question i had is if made aware of this at an early stage does that mean he wont change?

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