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A little bit of back story, I'll try to be brief... DH and I separated at the beginning of this month, by my request. I told him a minimum of 6 months, that we neede this time to figure things out before making any big decisions. Because of the car situation (see the other thread I made) we are still working out the logistics of things and he has had to take my car some days for work, which leaves me without transportation for my 4 kids and I.

I had such high hopes, yet it appears he would rather be alone with his ADHD wired brain than admit it is causing problems for our relationship. Now that I got that firmly planted in my brain. . . . I must go forward.  The reality I have come to understand in the past few months - I gotta find a way to allow myself to get past my anger and mourn this fact: I am disappointed he did not choose me.  

I was born in India, and now I am in US (I thank God everyday for that), my parents decided to arrange a marriage for me with my current husband. I am (or at least I must say at this point, I was) an independent and brave person. At the time of getting married I was not aware of "adhd" and that my husband is adhd. His family was weird - his father was bossy and verbally abusive to me, so was his mother, sister and brother; and they all claimed to be "traditional".

Greetings.  

I have come to accept that dh has not been really talking to me for decades.  He has given me "yups" and "nopes" and one word answers to my questions.  He lies 50% of the time just to get me to stop trying to "pry" into his secret world. He walks away from discussions. The only communication he wants from me is sex or play. I have been very lonely in my marriage.  It used to lead me to believe he must be doing SOMETHING with his emotions SOMEWHERE and with SOMEONE because who lives like that?  Totally unconcerned or not wanting ANY connection?  

Quick summary:

Early on in marriage, lost job. Not because of ADHD, but because market tanked in recession and had to move. Wife didn't want to move but we had to in order to survive.

Since she didn't like area, I spent more time trying to fix situation and not paying attention to my wife. We finally moved again. Made another job change to defense contractor and that went under two weeks before son was born. Luckily had a back-up and was unemployed for 5 min.

UPDATE 6/24/2014 - see update below

I am the non-ADD spouse. Our family has had pets over the years and I am always the main caretaker. A few years ago my husband decided that our family needed a fish tank. He spent a couple thousand dollars on all of the supplies and fish. I was not happy about the purchase for several reasons 1) expense and 2) maintenance - who is going to take care of it - I refused  to do anything for the fish.  My husband assured me that he would take care of the tank which he did for about 3 months.

Every time i try to spend time with my kids and mother he gets upset or mad or controlling!

So, I have a horrible memory.  I'm not sure if it comes with the ADHD, or if it is something else, but I've always been perplexed when other people get angry or frustrated with me for forgetting something... when I forget something, it's not because I don't find it important- I forget important, trivial, long term, and short term stuff seemingly at random, so despite trying my best, stuff slips my mind.  So I try my best not to let people down, but I get sad and confused when other people get angry at me anyway.

I am in the non-ADD spouse. I do all of the finances in our household. My husband was tired of all the fights we would have when I would see charges on our family credit card and I had no idea of what they are. Before I pay the bill, I would question him about the charges and it would start a huge argument about why he needed to make the purchases to begin with. Somehow in our couples counseling we came up with the "bright idea" for my husband to get his own credit card and checking account to manage and pay himself.  I can't believe I agreed to this!