Recent forum posts (all topics)

I want to leave. I cannot.  My ADHD husband of 22 years controls every facet of my life:  HE convinced me to become a stay-at-home mom to our 3 kids...  will not let me get a job.  I am now not marketable- my RN license has expired .  Secondly, he moved us after 15 years in the midwest outside a major city and family and friends , to the Northwest where there is no family, and is completely on the opposite coast where my family is.  My kids and I miss our relatives and support...

I am a 39 yr old married man that was diagnosed with ADD 8 years ago.  It was my, then girlfriend, now wife that suggested I get tested.  I will forever be thankful for that because it has helped me stabilize my life quite a bit.

I am feeling unhappy about the position that dh's add has put me in. He has a really bad temper, and lots of irritability. He does not want to "babysit" our kids. This all results in me having very few friends-- I hardly ever get to go out without the kids, and I'm so busy with work and all of the chores and shopping that I can't even seem to find the time to meet a friend with a similar-aged child for a cup of coffee. A year ago, dh was arrested when I called 911 because he was drunk and angry and made some serious threats.

On Sunday afternoon, after yet another LONG weekend of bearing up under the strain of my husband's anger, b*tchiness and contempt, I wearily told him that I believe it is time that we separate.  SUDDENLY he is off the proverbial couch and running around like a mad hatter trying to do EVERYTHING HE HAS NOT DONE FOR YEARS in 24 hours. To wit:  

Hello all...first off, I'm a newbie and have been reading a lot of the posts here.  Some give me hope, some scare the living dayligths out of me and some the jury is still out on.  But I am incredibly thankful a place like this exists.

I have been married for over 2 years and been with my husband for 4 years.  We've been through couples counseling for the past 2.5 years and it took a random article that I happened to come across on the internet that made the light bulb go off.  It was an article about adult ADHD and it seemed like someone was telling me about my marriage.

I am going to tread carefully here. First, this is not in referance to anyone here. I thought about what my hubby had yelled at me the other day. He said Do not ever tell me what I am thinking, I don't even know what I am thinking half the time. I was upset at first but he is right. I can ASK him what he is thinking, but speculating is just that, guessing ,speculating and that can go down roads I don't want to. It's a lot like jumping to conclusions.

I seem to see a lot of posts where one partner is convinced or suspicious the other has ADHD and they are running into resistance getting their spouse to acknowledge their condition or to seek out professional help.  My problem is just the opposite--I am in the middle of a legal separation (Same as a divorce in California for property rights, custody, etc, but still technically married at the end) and I never thought about ADHD.  I thought it was something over diagnosed and over prescribed and that ADHD was just a clinical name for people with a lack of willpower.

/

I had a long talk with my ADD partner last night.

I told him that I feel our relationship lacks joy, laughter, fun, peace, intimacy, life, connection, communication... etc, etc.

I expressed to him that I am aware all of these things are as a result of poorly treated/managed ADD symptoms.

I also expressed to him that from what I read this is also why I'm losing my sh*t and reacting with so much anger and bitterness, sadness and resentment. 

So here we are again.  I just recently got Melissa's book The ADHD effect on Marriage.  First day we got it, the both of us read the first 7 pages.  Since then, I am the only one reading.  So far, I understand more now about ADHD, the descriptions, feelings, situations describe my husband and I to the "T".  I am not completely done with the book but so far I have been doing things differently as far as talking to my husband.  I decided to go ahead and stop the nagging and approach him in different ways.  Although this has put him in a happier mood, I am still here feeling the same, only n