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by: J -
I also realized something I still do, that might help to not take it this personally. For me, it's a subconscious response to something that use to happen in the past ( with my mother ) which was a boundary issue. This isn't because of my ADHD inability to concentrate, hyperfocus or distraction. This is ( was ) literally, trying to push the "off button" on the remote, to try and stop the conversation. And before I say anything....yes, this is very rude to experience. I had to look...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: Swedish coast -
J, that’s interesting too! My personal desire has never been for structure. I used to be a bohemian person, taking things very casually, always late, slightly depreciative towards orderly people, until I was forced into structure by surroundings and responsibilities. What I think would be decent of my relatives would be to either provide some structure to our time together, or some caring flexibility when lack of structure hurts me. The children and I can’t be expected to wait...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: Swedish coast -
C, are you suggesting the relatives are distancing themselves from me because they judge me? Or think my divorce or new circumstances are my fault? Or that I’m judging them? I know they too are having hard times in their lives. They’ve stopped confiding in me, and have withdrawn somewhat, since Ive previously withdrawn from them (it was very difficult to have nice family get-togethers with them the last few years of my marriage since I had to do all the work while was exhausted and...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: J -
and I have a lot to say on this subject. As usual, I don't know any other way to say it except in story form so please bear with me. This topic of discussion came up in therapy yesterday, as I was asking why I don't necessarily fit in with everyone who has ADHD. The answer, I've heard before, but I gained a few more insights that made this all click. Hopefully, understanding will help with your frustration, as I understand myself even better now. I can share my revelation ( about mysel ) which...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: J -
I'll tie this into your last comment. I think I can help you understand.>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: Swedish coast -
Relieved she signed it. I hope you enjoyed your trip with friends and can look forward to spring and summer on your own terms. Thanks for replying.>>> on Forum topic - Shame
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by: c ur self -
If you allow everything He struggles with to become personal to you...You will stay miserable...I'm not defending him...I'm watching out for your mental and emotional state... If you struggle w/ acceptance of huge difference's, you might should move on, and just be friends if possible...Many minds who can share in awesome friendships, will never mesh in a relationship... That is why so many of us ended up here.... c>>> on Forum topic - how do you manage memory issues in the relationship?
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by: c ur self -
You seemed surprised by this...Like it hasn't always been their way?...Just a thought...People who love us, but, aren't in full, or any, agreement with us, might handle it like you are describing...Attempting to bring close friends or family into our circumstance's (new circumstances) might be met w/ a hands up mentality...(You made your bed, you lay in it!) It's obvious by watching and listening to people (and our own minds) one of the hardest things in the world to do is, not attempt to think...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: c ur self -
The bottom line, relational life is difficult enough when two people both desire it w/o a doubt!....Any time one is not all in, you can waste years and years of your life pursuing some one who isn't relationship material...(Just ended 16 years of it) We tend to make excuses for doing it...Which are only born out of our own neediness... Good luck... c>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner pushing me away
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by: c ur self -
My wife is high level ADD, and she hasn't been professionally diagnoised for Autism, but, even she thinks she is on the spectrum...So do I... c>>> on Forum topic - Autism & ADHD
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by: c ur self -
I can relate...Of course mine was quiet the opposite...She had no domestic or marital desires, every thing revolved around her pursuit of adventure...I guess it's just the way it works for certain mind type's no ability to live a well rounded life style...Made it extremely difficult for the two of us to have any type commonality in the priorities of life... When we aren't comfortable with our present living arrangements, it's usually easy enough to change...But for me it just boils down to what...>>> on Forum topic - Shame
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by: Wildflower29 -
What happened? Did he ever come back ? Did it end? How did it end?>>> on Forum topic - What Happens When an ADHD BF Breaks Up by Disappearing? (aka Ghosting)
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by: Swedish coast -
Yes, and another thing. I find it so hard to talk to them. On any subject, they will just let my attempts hang in the air with no validation. There is frankly none - no recognition of a common interest, no comment or new angle, nothing. While I’m used to putting a lot of validation into my conversation, I’m really not used to receiving none. These talks are cold, slow and lacking inspiration. It doesn’t matter if I try to amuse them, interest them, or open up vulnerable about myself to them. All I get...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: J -
It occurred to me, that problem solving, will help improve memory. I think, different types of applications can serve different types of memory. School or classroom education is good for some things but it's the equivalent to going to the gym and working only certain muscles by using only machines targeted for those muscles. In contrast, if you use "free weights" at the gym, you're using your entire body and working all your body's muscles in a coordinated form. It's widely accepted...>>> on Forum topic - how do you manage memory issues in the relationship?
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by: J -
She didn't tell him. He literally thought she was a virgin. When I say molested...I mean sex. I also understand the Shame involved, in telling him. That part is understandable. The brief boyfriend/co-worker she worked with...probably should have been mentioned. And to your point, this is what I'm trying to be patient about. I don't fully understand it myself. She can't articulate it exactly, and doesn't know exactly why either. She's only said, she thinks her issues surrounding sex...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner pushing me away
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by: Swedish coast -
I agree transparency before marriage would have been right for your SO. On the other hand. What kind of a man would blame a sexual assault victim and treat her like she’s unworthy because she’s been molested? Not somebody I’d care to know.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner pushing me away
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by: Swedish coast -
I’m sorry your partner isn’t able to know you intimately since he can’t concentrate or remember your stories. Probably working with Melissa would be your most straightforward option. My ADD partner couldn’t/wouldn’t read books. I think that may be an issue for somebody who can’t concentrate. So perhaps counseling? A thought for you: will you be happy with a person who seems to lack interest in you? With ADHD, there are always explanations to why you as a partner can’t have your needs...>>> on Forum topic - how do you manage memory issues in the relationship?
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by: J -
of a story my SO told me about herself when we were first getting to know each other. I'm stepping back, looking at this objectively and seeing this with empathy and understanding. The same as I give myself when looking at my past. The story was about her first husband and the experience she had on her honeymoon. It didn't go well in other words, and she was very let down and disappointed. That experience stays with her to this day. As the story goes ( as I heard it ), her ex-husband, who...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner pushing me away
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by: J -
I've had a lot of thoughts about this lately, so these are just ideas.....saying, I'm not exactly sure but it's just a theory I'm postulating. Since I have ADHD, I can use myself in part, but in reference to your GF, I can add my own experience with my SO, to possibly connect it to yours. Again, this is just an idea based on things I know. Some definitions to what I think are possible. -Imposter Syndrome..ie: Fake till you Make it. A common problem for people with ADHD that deals...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner pushing me away
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by: J -
Charm Tonya into wanting to please Irving by doing X. Exaggerate the advantages of doing X and the disadvantages of doing Y, and/or understate the disadvantages of doing X and the advantages of doing Y. Make Tonya feel guilty for preferring to do Y. Induce Tonya into an emotional state that makes doing X seem more appropriate than it really is. Point out that doing Y will make Tonya seem less worthy and appealing to her...>>> on Forum topic - Narcissist Parents
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