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by: LucyLu2024 -
I appreciate the open discussion on intimacy. I have been on the roller coaster of affection with my partner getting love bombed and now nothing for weeks. I understand the ups and downs related to his ADHD but it can be very hard to be on the other side wondering when he is going to be interested in it again. When I try to approach the discussion, he gets defensive and I know has feelings of inadequacy. I’m trying to be understanding and gentle with my approach, but he doesn’t really want to discuss...>>> on Forum topic - Hoping for an open discussion on intimacy
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by: J -
Which is a bumper sticker I see on occasion. A thought just occurred to me on this topic. It's not just relevant, it's extremely poignant to me in particular. Not necessarily an epiphany of any kind, just a different way of seeing things, by using a different definition. This is still relevant to the topic of communication as well. It's also relevant to the common use of expressions in language, very much like my example of "he doesn't have a mean bone in his body." In thinking about...>>> on Forum topic - Mean Bones
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by: booklovergal -
I own it and had gone through it multiple times. It has definitely helped me evaluate my relationship and honestly usually makes me feel better about my relationship after reading (I am with a very kind and motivated man who struggles with practical tasks due to his adhd). Helps me remember the really good things about our relationship and puts my frustration in perspective a bit… I will say it has been a bit confusing to read within the context of adhd. Some of the stay/go decision making prompts...>>> on Forum topic - Book - too good to leave, too bad to stay
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by: J -
Following through. I said I would rather buy a new vacuum, than keep fixing the old one. It was clearly ( once I inspected it inside ) a bad design that was not intended for heavy use on multiple surfaces ( carpets, loose fiber rugs, and hard wood floors ). The first belt, lasted almost the exact same time as the second belt which means, the third belt ( and every subsequent belt thereafter ) will break again after the same amount of time. While my SO was away, visiting her grandkids....I...>>> on Forum topic - Vacuum Emergency
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by: CreatingMemories -
I think this is awesome! Great to hear. I struggle as the guy right now cause my drive is a 10 and her is a -10 haha. She doesn’t care for even basic touching and I’m starting to lose my mind.>>> on Forum topic - Hoping for an open discussion on intimacy
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by: J -
What you're experiencing exactly ? I know for myself, it's just frustrating when people aren't open. It feels like they are keeling secrets but I know that's not really it. I think trust has something to do with it ( in general ) and possibly being introverted as another component. I know my SO says she doesn't always understand me when I communicate, and I, in turn, don't always understand her ? I mean literally, don't understand the words she uses to express herself. I'm going off of the...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: Swedish coast -
That’s it J. It’s a social cue they don’t master.>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: Swedish coast -
This sounds really familiar, J. Some of the vocabulary you’re using isn’t known to me. However I think what the relatives might express by their blankness is what I’m saying isn’t relatable to them. It means nothing, and they are uncurious of it, and let it go. Perhaps they’re sometimes offended by it, or reminded of something painful so don’t want to listen. Or, at other times, they don’t need me to dwell on something since it’s very familiar to them, so they’re bored by what I’m saying. But instead...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: J -
Here's something you might think about. One advantage I have, is working side by side with a woman who has ADHD. Not only that, my other male coworker says his father is on the spectrum ( high functioning ) and he thinks he even might be himself. This presents some challenges for me in working as a team together ( for me )...as nighther are what I'd call team players. Especially the woman with ADHD. In respect to you, I'm not in a romantic relationship with either of these people, but I am...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: Swedish coast -
Divorced a severe ADD partner. I spent decades on my toes, lifesaving our marriage at every crisis. I waited for him to do the same until there was no longer a relationship to save. Now the marriage has ended painfully and he does nothing to patch things up so our children can have parents at peace with each other. Waiting for ADHD action might be infinite as far as I know. I’m sorry but C is probably right: you have little influence over this.>>> on Forum topic - At a loss for words
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by: Swedish coast -
Unlike me, the relatives in question basically don’t do caring. It seems not to be in their repertoire. I doubt any act of helplessness would make them intervene to help. But it would possibly help if I could voice my hard feelings softer and more likeably. It’s hard because I always feel insulted by their indifference.>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: J -
Swedish, it appears you and I are both searching for the same answers at times. Asking the same questions. I definitely do not have all the answers, but in my own investigation, I believe I have some of them. This is difficult to articulate a distilled version of what I'm thinking. Much of this is of my own creation ( or contructing a model ) but here goes. In my own words. I believe, that there's a God, and what ever God truly is, created all animals with an instinct to survive and...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: Swedish coast -
C, that’s a good observation. I’m sorry your daughters have withdrawn. Unlike my relatives I actually draw nearer to friends who have a crisis. And I know a bereaved person needs to feel their lost loved one is always a welcome topic. A friend of mine lost her 18 year old son who died unexpectedly in his sleep. We always mention him. My cousin lost her baby daughter. We always mention her. Silent avoidance of others’ pain is hurtful. In the middle of my divorce I spent a weekend with one...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: c ur self -
Hope he is well... I've witnessed this behavior so often (high level add wife) and read her for 11 years, so I guess I'm a little numb to the disappearing acts...But the reality of it is, either way, there is nothing you can do about it...Often times certain mind types who do this, will show back up like nothing is wrong...And think we (the abandoned partner) the person left concerned and wondering should be fine...It's just the product of minds that live in a "it's all about me state." I've...>>> on Forum topic - At a loss for words
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by: c ur self -
When we have major life changes, it can't help but effect how, and what, we communicate about with family and friends...A lot of our commonality and conversations center around the simple fact of our day to day lives as it pertains to the circumstance's of our life (children, spouses, jobs, activities etc.)...So simple uneasiness can easily happen...Death and Divorce are major circumstance changers as you know...So the drawing away by you, and then them, probably is normal in many families...My...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: Swedish coast -
J, that is useful. I think what I see my relatives do is zone out, often, in conversations, not only with me. Very possibly unconsciously. They aren’t frowning. It’s rather a vacant stare. I don’t know if they just want to shut me up when they offer no validation to playful attempts at light conversation, but it seems they would be more successful with that if they spoke up themselves. They are often quiet and appear brooding. They have a certain serious tone of voice at all times. ...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: J -
I've thought about this even more, and have even more to add connecting this to attachment theory.... For now, I wanted to say this is completely subconscious. The thing that triggers it, is not necessarily even related to my story or example I gave. In fact, it may not even have anything to do with the things you're doing Swedish. Most likely, it has absolutely nothing to do with you or anything you did which is why it makes no sense. And no, you aren't going crazy.>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: h1222324 -
Hello. I'm going through the same situation with my husband. It seems like I'm making things worse by telling him how I feel when he ogles other women. Only because now it's to the point where we can't go anywhere and I'm the one keeping my eyes closed or heAd down when an attractive person passes by him. I do this so I can't see him stare at her and so I won't continue to lower myself esteem as he says I'm doing this to myself because he feels he is not doing these things. I try to be open minded...>>> on Forum topic - Too aware of other women
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by: J -
My mom ( pretty sure ) had ADHD and possibly other issues along with it when applying it to my example.>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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by: J -
I also realized something I still do, that might help to not take it this personally. For me, it's a subconscious response to something that use to happen in the past ( with my mother ) which was a boundary issue. This isn't because of my ADHD inability to concentrate, hyperfocus or distraction. This is ( was ) literally, trying to push the "off button" on the remote, to try and stop the conversation. And before I say anything....yes, this is very rude to experience. I had to look...>>> on Forum topic - On their terms
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