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by: cheffluke -
I'm definitely not expecting a magic fix at all. I expect this will be lasting for a very very long time. I know this space has been what she has been needing, so I'm more than happy to keep doing this as long as it takes. I've started searching for a new therapist that specializes in ADHD, reading books and resources, etc. additudemag.com has been one of my big go-to's lately along with books and podcasts. While I certainly hope that one day I can be the man that my wife once was in love with, I...>>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD
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by: cheffluke -
This was really great to read. Thank you so much for your honesty and helping me see things from a different perspective. Words are not always easy for me, I've realized, and can lead to misunderstandings. None of what you said upset me at all. I'm taking in everyone's advice because it's so helpful just to hear others experiences and perspectives in these situations. I've started looking for a new therapist that specializes in ADHD as my current one doesn't, reading a ton of books and materials, and...>>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD
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by: Swedish coast -
It sounds you have really found ways to work around the hyper focus! I smile reading your post. It gives hope!>>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship
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by: J -
I can see multiple things working here that would work perfectly for me. "he's realized I really will go without him and remembers that he felt left out last time...." To this day, I remember watching my father driving away down the street leaving me standing in the driveway trying to get to school one day. I never did that again. "we clean the house as a family from 10am-12pm" Having one, never changing time to remember on the same day every week is excellent. I can do that. I always mow the lawn at...>>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship
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by: Luvs2Run -
We have a lot of turmoil surrounding "productive" hyper focuses too. The focus changes but the inattention to me and the kids while pursuing a hyper focus is always there. Over the last few years we've been really working on our marriage and slowly very slowly it feels like we're making progress. One thing I've changed is not letting it stop me from living my life and having fun. If my husband is super focused in on something and not wanting to do a family activity on the weekend for instance, I don't...>>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship
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by: Swedish coast -
My severe ADD partner said at some point the anxiety he'd felt every day since forever was the most debilitating part of his illness(es). I believe anxiety can have a profound effect on a person. I also understand one would do practically anything to be rid of it. Just take care, J? That stuff is also toxic at a certain dose.>>> on Forum topic - Psilocybin: RSD, OCD, Depression, Anxiety and ADHD
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by: shevrae -
If things have gotten so bad that your wife needs to be away from you, be prepared for this separation to last for a while. You are struggling after 2 weeks but it may be the first time in a long time that she has managed to find any space to breathe. It may be the first time in years she feels she can relax in her own personal space. Your goal should not be to hurry up and fix a couple of big issues so you can end the separation, but how to become the kind of person your wife can feel safe and relax...>>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD
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by: AG -
cheffluke Still thinking about your post. I've been sifting thru the group messages and website lately. Came across a post and Melissa's blog quoting the book This Is How Your Marriage Ends Wouldn't hurt to check out the author, maybe it might help give perspective & insight?>>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD
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by: AG -
(Andrea George here but switched to AG) One worthy one I too, could have written your message! I feel the same way- you aren't alone. There are people going though exactly what you are. It is extremely challenging.>>> on Forum topic - Struggling
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by: Off the roller ... -
If you can, could you share how you came to this realisation too? Was it your wife who said something? Was it you? Was it a medical professional? For me, I'm at the Cross roads and not sure how to go about trying to take steps forward to repair what we have. And thank you for sharing your story>>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD
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by: Off the roller ... -
Also I wanted to add that I'm so happy you're here and that it shows how brave you're being by acknowledging and trying to take those uncomfortable steps. Well done and yes it's tough but the reward will be great. I promise>>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD
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by: Andrea George -
I'm really glad you joined and wrote in. I've read all of the advice so far and I agree completely with all of them. I am a non ADHD partner who is thinking about divorcing my ADHD spouse every day. I am exhausted......EXHAUSTED!! I have no connection with him lately and feel like I am not a priority in his life. He says he is trying so hard- he's doing the seminar, he's going to couples therapy and he's going to his own therapist. But you know what? I have seen zero behavior change. He shows up...>>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD
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by: OneWorthyOne -
I hope I'm not doing the reply formatting wrong, I just wanted to say thank you and acknowledge your comments. It's so helpful to hear from others. The social isolation rings true for me as well, as does the putting me in charge of decisions. Even inconsequential ones. And of course, the defensiveness and sacrificing your self-esteem for his. Severe ADHD does bring with it eccentricity, that's a good way of putting it. And my husband's is severe. For me it is very off-putting and confusing, like I'm going...>>> on Forum topic - Struggling
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by: OneWorthyOne -
Thank you, Off the roller. Knowing I'm not alone is so helpful right now. It seems like it's the only way for me to get by. I appreciate your words and the fact that you are going through a similar situation. Paralyzed is a good word. It is scary. You are so right about self-care, which feels hard, but I'm trying to prioritize it. Trying NOT to numb the pain and loneliness with wine. Thinking of the basics as non-negotiables is a good idea. I'm trying to step back now too, to give him space to show up and...>>> on Forum topic - Struggling
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by: OneWorthyOne -
Thank you, Off the roller. Knowing I'm not alone is so helpful right now. It seems like it's the only way for me to get by. I appreciate your words and the fact that you are going through a similar situation. Paralyzed is a good word. It is scary. You are so right about self-care, which feels hard, but I'm trying to prioritize it. Trying NOT to numb the pain and loneliness with wine. Thinking of the basics as non-negotiables is a good idea. I'm trying to step back now too, to give him space to show up and...>>> on Forum topic - Struggling
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by: sickandtired -
Don't lie, don't minimize her feelings, don't blame her for things that are your responsibility, don't make her do all of the work, be an equal partner, not a dependent, don't make promises you can't keep.>>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD
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by: J -
OCD, anxiety, depression in my personal mix. I wouldn't be surprised if I wasn't a little dyslexic or even sonewhere along the high functioning spectrum as well. The OCD part is the one that has clearly stood out with some more obvious symptoms that I actually talked about with a therapist at one time. That along with the anxiety and depression are obvious to me. The others are speculative as I've never been officially tested ...I wouldn't be surprised though. The biggest issue with all of these things...>>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship
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by: Swedish coast -
Dear Off the Roller, I'm following your journey and hoping for the best. It so happens I do have good news about the ADHD child who unlike their father can have an ADHD diagnosis while very young! My child was evaluated about two years ago. I started it immediately after my husband's diagnosis because I'd worried for a long time about behavior that seemed to push people away, and a kind of tiredness and distraction I didn't understand. The turning point was when I understood the mentor in school had no...>>> on Forum topic - Effects on tweens when one parent has unmanaged ADHD
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by: Swedish coast -
As Off the Roller said - you are among people who understand what you're saying. I'm sorry you are in this difficult place. I am also the non-ADHD partner of a two decade marriage and divorced my husband a year ago for the same reasons you state. From my perspective it's still hard to understand my ex husband's inconsistent behavior and what looks like dishonesty. Shoving all decisions on me, having specific needs but not voicing them, and then complaining about my decisions. Not being transparent with...>>> on Forum topic - Struggling
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by: Off the roller ... -
I echo what Swedish said. Also, I am the non-ADHD and am slowly coming to terms with how much destruction my spouse - dx last year with ADHD but does not manage his symptoms or address his cormorbities of anxiety and depression - has caused. I think if you asked my husband how 'we' are, he might say the same thing you have; communication is going well, I am taking accountability...etc. But for me - and please know this is not to scare you but I'm only sharing what MY experience has been - my silence is...>>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD
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