Recent forum posts (all topics)

My boyfriend has untreated ADD/ADHD and his coping mechanism for disappointing me is avoiding me/being rude. He started a new job where he has to work overtime every day, and he has been rude and condescending when I try to plan anything. We had an appointment to have our cat's stitches out on Saturday morning, which he agreed to go to. Our cat is hard to handle and I don't have a car, so I needed help. He tends to have "no control" over when he falls asleep at night; he had agreed to come over Friday night. By 7:30pm he still hadn't left the office but said he was leaving soon.

My husband and I have been married for 19 years and I'm so happy to have found this site. I will try to make my post to the point...but there are so many details - and I'm so frazzled - I'm not sure how concise I can be. I'm so very thankful to know I'm not alone in this ADD-world. I am struggling with MANY things in our marriage right now - here are some of the main ones:
**EMPLOYMENT:

Is it "normal" for folks with ADHD to be checked out of their own lives? My husband has no interest in our life -- no interest in our child, either. He can't remember my phone number or his. He can't tell time on an analog clock. He doesn't always remember our postal code. He could not tell you how much money he makes or which is gross and which is net. He takes no responsibility in filing claim forms for insurance, checking prices, doing paperwork, etc. All the everyday stuff, he's checked out. It's like he is about 8 years old with not a care in the world at all. What IS that????

My husband of nearly 7 years has a lot of bad habits but I don't know if they're ADHD ones. A few things I need some clarity on -- are these things ADHD things or something else?

- Having his own sense of reality -- he does not pay bills on time and does not agree with me as to what is important in life. This can mean paying bills on time, sending greeting cards, being polite, expectations of people, laws, morality etc.

- Argues over everything; has his own opinion and MUST enforce it on you no matter what.

I'm fairly new to this site and new too ADHD world. My husband of 21 years has known all along that he had ADHD, the topic came up 8-10 years ago, and got swept under the rug, he failed one test so miserBLY, THE DR COULDNT SCORE IT... Another Dr. and he passed the test but was offered treatment anyway... He refused.... IT"S BAAAAAACK! he sees a counselor for a 2 hr appt on Wed, today is Sunday, Mothers Day and all I've done is cry all day, its snowing here which adds to the sadness.

I guess my husband decided to celebrate mothers day in a literal way. Hes been behaving like a cranky, overstimulated 3 year old in desperate need of a nap. 

I hate everything about this. I wonder what its like to have a relationship where I could have a day that is about me without having it hijacked by his crappy behavior because the attention isnt on him.

I have not been feeling well for quite some time.  I had told dh a few times I wasn't feeling well lately and went to doctor to get tests taken last week.  This Sunday morning, I said, I am not feeling well.  His response, "I wasn't feeling well either this morning.  But then I got out and starting working and I feel a lot better."  With that, he had thrown back at me, "You aren't sick. If you would work, like me, you wouldn't be sick."  Understand that I work full time.  He does not.

We have had a total breakdown of communication here.  The most seemingly benign topics can lead to a fight.  We are both extremely defensive.  I freely admit this about myself.  Everything I say is met with the opposite scenario.  No empathy for my point of view...ever.  Makes me feel unimportant and like what I think doesn't matter.  If I voice that I feel that way in any way, shape or form it leads to his rage.  Every. Single. Time.  I do not rage.  If I showed the amount of anger that he did, I can't imagine his reaction.  Maybe I should try it.

It's disheartening when you look at the truth sometimes and today was one of those days.  I've had a great deal of success with my ADHD symptoms and as far as my spouse tells me........things have improved for her as well.  The realization that is probably the hardest to look at but yet is the undeniable truth is that the things that cause her the most grief about being in a relationship with are a my ADHD symptoms.  No surprise here for anybody.