First of all, I'm new to this forum. Today is my first day, and this is my first post. I happened upon this website accidentally while trying to research info about ADHD. My husband is undiagnosed, but he has ALL of the symptoms: I want to clarify that I love him, and I do want to spend the rest of my life with him. I can't imagine my life without him...he's a great guy, and he is a wonderful man, but there is just something wrong...and it's ADHD.
So I tell H last night when I get home that I am going out with my friend on Tuesday after work. His first response was "Oh yeah?" in an actual nice tone like "good for you", but then that immediately turned into "Oh fine I see how it is. Go do your pub crawl with her and not me that's fine" I then tell him "It's not a pub crawl it's dinner. We can still do the pub crawl after work some day". He goes "No no that's fine. Go have your fun and I'll just party it up here". I got real quiet and walked out of the room wanting to cry.
Well up until a month ago my marriage was over. My husband had moved out, we were both blaming each other after many years of trying, failing, trying again, making agreements that would last for a month or so and then things would go back to how they were before. The ending of the marriage (we have been together 12 years and married for 10) was so fast and so brutal I barely had time to think.
When my husband and I were dating over 30 years ago, I eventually met his best friend. I didn't have a clue what his friend was talking about when he asked me if my husband had ever been on time to meet me. Little did I know about the wonders of hyperfocus! Since then I have tried every possible coping mechanism that I could think of, but he still gets mad when I insist on driving separately so that I can be on time. I have a hard time imagining what it would be like to have such a different sense of time.
Has anyone had a ADD spouse that has just been "angry" with them for no apparent reason (maybe that he resents that I've had to be "in control" of so many things/ He feels "parented" by me) for years/months and then continues to turn your teenage children against you-gang up on you?
I'm new here....and have so much I'd love to shout out at some people who may understand. For years my mom and sis were telling me my husband was ADHD and only a few years ago did I realize it's probably true.
I'm trying to figure out how to communicate with my husband but I don't want to dwell on him. Whenever I communicate about my feelings about relationship issues, he fires back with bitter and snarky comments. But if I communicate about an issue (e.g., money) and request a response and I don't say anything about my feelings, he doesn't respond. Yesterday, he said in an email that he is less likely to respond to my messages if they contain "negative asides." Unfortunately, it is hard to determine what he considers a "negative aside" to be.
Stuff. It has been an ongoing bone of contention since before we married in 1984. Now our own property is overrun with stuff. I do understand his need to have items as his creative mind can truly make amazing things out of items I would label as junk.
I truly do not know what steps to take to get to a place of harmony. I can state some examples.
My ADHD husband and I are at the point of separation after 30 years of marriage. I just told him that I plan to move out in September. I did a lot of work on my own to get to the point where I clearly communicate my boundaries to him, and he is using one of his most common conversational weapons to respond to me...plenty of sarcasm. The problem is that I truly can't tell any more if he is being sincere ("Sounds like a fair proposition") or sarcastic. I am wondering if anyone else has any suggestions for overcoming this.
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