Today is my 29th wedding anniversary. My husband mostly lives with his parents. He never initiates communication, and today was no different on that score. Although I felt kind of sad this morning, the day has actually been pretty good.
My husband had his first motorcycle race of the season this weekend. Let me preface this by saying I have gone to every one of the races he's gone to except one other one and that was only because it was pouring rain all weekend. He always says I don't HAVE to go with him and if that was the case I may go to one race and let him go alone to the others. The races are all day Sat and Sun and he likes to go Friday evening and get set up so we don't have to leave at 5AM on Saturday morning.
It is sunny here and the skies are clear. A perfect day to spend out in our 10 acres cleaning my gardens. On with the sweatshirt and gardening gloves, step out the door - and less than 15 minutes later I am on the couch with nausea, light-headedness and abdominal distress. Everywhere I looked is a partially completed project, little messes here and there, and things, things, things, things.
I have been thinking along the lines of couples who live very independently and couples who like to be together more - sharing their lives. I watch "Wife Swap" when it happens to be on and I notice that in many marriages there is a difference in the amount of "togetherness" couples desire. Sometimes it is both the people in the coupledom that like the independence and/or the togetherness and sometimes it is one or the other who like more independence from the marriage. I would like to be together more with a husband. Dh has been independent of the marriage from the first day.
I am really struggling with resenting my DH. He got a great job a couple weeks ago (after being unemployed for more than two years) and promptly was fired for something, details are vague. This is the third job he's had in three years, he gets fired or laid off every time. When he's home, he putzes around the house and spends hours shopping online or creating rants for message forums. I have SO MUCH resentment built up towards him for the last 22 years of this; if it wasn't for me, we would be homeless.
So all I've been hearing about for the past month is "It's almost the first race weekend". DH races motorcycles and has been super pumped about this weekend. His bike has been sitting in the garage since the end of the season last September. He tried firing it up in Feb. for the first time but it wouldn't start. He figured he needed a new battery, which he got and it seemed to work fine. In March he tried again and it would turn over but then eventually sputter out. Hooked up the laptop to it (because it has a computer core) and tried to diagnose the problem.
In the spirit of making lemonade out of the lemon of a marriage that I ended up with (29 years on Sunday!), I'm trying to think of what I'd advise people contemplating marriage to talk to their prospective spouses about. This is not intended to bash people with ADHD. I think EVERYBODY should give more thought to marriage before they take the plunge. Here are some things I've come up with; please share your thoughts, too!
Talk about your plans. If your prospective spouse recoils at the words "plan" and "future," take note.
Hi everyone. I am new to this board and found it after someone recommended my boyfriend of 2 years (we'll call him Andy) be evaluated for ADHD. After reading several books, prowling forums, and reviewing research articles, I am wondering how I have missed all the signs and symptoms for two years! Fortunately Andy has agreed to go through with an ADHD assessment and (hopefully) treatment but I have some questions for all the non-ADHD partners who have years of experience under their belt because, right now, I feel a little like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole...
i recently uploaded a forum under another topic explaining that some people close to me dont fully grasp or undertstand my relationship with my partner who has ADHD... i am not married and am rather young however i love my partner very much.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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