I am wondering if anyone out there that has ADHD can answer my question? Does my spouse notice the amount of effort I make to keep peace and happiness in the home?
Today was our first visit with a 2nd LMHC, in this new cycle of 'seeing someone' to try to find ourselves a path to improve our relationship, and immediately this counselor heard the familiar complaints of ADHD-affected marriages. She began finishing our sentences for us! I could not believe it! My wife was excited that here was a person who could relate. Someone who seemed to know her mind (my wife's), yet we only just met.
Trust. My ADHD spouse cannot/will-not/does-not trust anyone. Not me. Not our two children. He seems to be always on guard, behaving in such a way that he thinks we are ready to pounce to take advantage of a slight lapse in his armor.
Accepting help from those who LOVE you and DO NOT want to control you is something I wish my spouse could learn.
Has anyone else seen this? What does it mean when son goes completely catatonic? He stands rigid. You could actually knock him over. No eye contact. Smirk on face, with expression held like that. This could go on for an hour. Nothing reaches him--not touching him, speaking to him. No clear sense of what triggers it. First occurred maybe 2 years ago in the midst of ADHD battles and pleas over deadlines, etc.
Just curious. Has anyone ever wondered what its like for people that don't have ADHD? How 'simple' life is without it? How easy it is for them to multi-task and juggle multiple things at once? In no way, shape, or form do I want sympathy. Curiosity got the better of me :-)
Anger and EL have been discussed in another thread on this forum.
I sometimes wonder how I got to where I am today. It is EXTREMELY difficult to sort out my nurturing spirit and my propensity to be co-dependent. And my stubborn unwillingness to let go of my very troubled marriage.
Al-Anon - my Dad and my spouse's grandparents
Family history of depression - me - for several generation back
Cherry Boone O'Neill: Starving for Attention - me
National Eating Disorder Association - me
I know it isn't, but I've seen spouses of folks with ADHD ask that, and I can relate. I started a topic a while back about what to do when you can't rely on your spouse, and I'm surprised that it still gets comments. I would call this "What do you do when you can no longer rely on yourself?"
I've been reading the forum for about two months but just registered. So much of it is like a mirror image of my relationship with my ADHD husband. We've been married for 29 years. For the first several years he hyper focused on me. I was the shiny object. There were the usual ADHD problems, inattentiveness, irresponsibility, awkward social skills, etc. He was diagnosed 20 + years ago, tried meds for two weeks, didn't like them and never tried again. I took on the majority of the responsibility for everything in our life. For the first 14 years he could not keep a job.
I saw this yesterday and commented only half joking to him "Oh is this about you"? He goes "No that fits my boss to a t". He has been having difficulties with his boss for a while now and is trying to find a way to cope. I just thought to myself "How can you not see that YOU are the one with this personality?" The never considering others feelings, being charming to get your way, being controlling. He would never admit that he has any issue.
Tomorrow is my birthday. For the 14 years we have been married , my DH has been consistently inconsistent about remembering it, much less planning anything, however small to celebrate. I'm not talking big, I'm talking a card that wasn't bought the morning of my birthday when he sees my face and realizes I am upset because he has, once again, forgotten . We have a 10 year old child who is learning from his Dad how to celebrate birthdays . He has adhd also but he gets upset with himself when he realizes he didn't do anything to celebrate.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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