Hello! I have never in my life posted to an open forum like this, but I am desperate for advice so I'm really hoping this helps!
Up until last summer, we really only needed one car. I either worked from home or our work schedules were such that we could use the same car or he'd take his motorcycle. Well I got a full time job in August and we worked basically both the same hours and he couldn't take the motorcycle in crappy weather so we bought a used car in October. DH insisted the entire time that we would get a stick shift car. I have no idea why he insisted on that since I have never driven one, but he said we were definitely getting one.
My first time ever reaching out for help. To make a long story short I've been married four years to my husband who has ADHD. He is taking a generic form of Adderall. So it wasn't until after we were married that he started getting so out if control angry. This anger turned into abuse, physical and emotional. I don't want to go into detail about me because this isn't about me, suffice it to say I've had my share of bruises and cuts. I've tried learning more what sets him off but now it seems most anything will. Yesterday we were driving and a dog ran right out in front of us.
Dh is going around slamming things. I used to actually believe that I did or said or was something wrong. Now, I am not taking it personally anymore. If he has a problem with me, he will have to talk to me and face to face tell me what is the matter. I will stop guessing that I am to blame. Since it has been his habit to not talk about anything except jokes and silliness, I used to try to guess what he hated about me that he was acting so rudely. Tonight, I am going to assume something different. I am going to assume that he is just plain frustrated.
I posted earlier on here about my husband not being interested in parenting tasks. I've been to a therapist for myself and recently went to one for my 3 year old son. Both therapists told me that my husband and I need marital counselling at the very least for things to improve, and that he desperately needs individual counselling (of big concern to them both is his impatience, such as not letting the 3 year old use the potty and not sitting through family meals). My husband has refused to go to marriage counselling when I had brought it up a few times over the past months. My 3 year old
I wanted to say, "Thank you!" to Mrs. Orlov and Dr. Hallowell for creating, moderating, and curating this informative forum. I recently started dating a guy and he admitted to having ADHD. I came from a well-educated family and upbringing and so I know what ADHD is and what it isn't. With that regard, his ADHD hasn't scared me away. Because I am aware of the symptoms and expressed behavior of ADHD, I started "suggesting" guidelines for how we should communicate and made a detailed outline of our forthcoming date in West Hollywood.
I don't know if I'm asking for tips or just venting. My husband and I live apart these days but it seems that I keep finding things that are evidence of his disorderly approach to life. The latest was my discovery in the basement today: a futon (that I knew was there), the surface of which contained a large area of mold or mildew (that I hadn't known was there). The basement mess and junk, none of which is mine, bother me so much that I almost start to hyperventilate when I go down there.
Greetings!
A few months ago I found myself positively swept off my feet by a man I'd known through business for awhile. On our first date he mentioned he has ADHD and is treating it. Not much more was said, so I started doing research on what that can mean. I realized pretty quickly he was in hyperfocus and tried not to get attached to the idea that this level of attentiveness would be ongoing. Sure enough it waned, no big deal however he seems to be getting progressively less communicative.
I have been reading these posts for about a year now.I have been diagnosed for a little more than that.I go to my counselor weekly.I see my psychiatrist every three months (mostly for meds) I read books ,that give you strategies.I have been working really hard to make myself better.It is exhausting.I know my wife is exhausted too,but when does it get better?I am trying so hard,but it doesn't seem to make a difference with her. the only time she is happy is when she gets something she wants,not neccesarily needs, and shortly after she is unhappy again.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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