Recent forum posts (all topics)

I love my husband, I really do. He is a great guy and for the most part I love our life together. 

But I'm at a loss right now as to handle his career unemployment and the way he views himself with grace. 

I work from  home and make a very good living. He handles the household stuff. It works pretty well. 

Dh is EXTREMELY a perfectionist when it come to GARBAGE.  He pulls everything apart and categorizes the garbage.  He has pails and boxes lining all the walls in our garage with things he thinks he has to process by taking out every nut and bolt and saving them.   He told me I MUST wash out "with soap" all the empty jars and glasses and soak and peel the labels off of them before throwing them away.  He spends most of every Saturday "processing" the garbage. His side of the garage is like a hoarder's - filled to the brim and no room for his car.

My hyper husband has done it again. When my back was turned he performed the task of hanging pictures on brand new walls. We had discussed it and agreed to center the pics on the walls. He went in and hung the pics where HE felt like it. (very off center). Now when He goes to work I can rehang them and fill in the holes & paint over them.

After coming to the point of almost being totally mentally shot. I finally found this site started reading everything on it. Ordered the book and am reading it. Thank God! Today when my ADHD (hugely hyper & unpredictable) husband were shopping and I was talking to him about what we should get, turned around to realize I was talking to myself because he was nowhere to be seen, I could say to myself "it's the ADHD". Instead of feeling disrespected and angry. I chose what I WANTED and continued shopping. My anger has been all consuming, and today I didn't have to get mad.

My husband and I are currently separated, he's had an affair with another woman, and we have been unable to properly approach the ADD in our marriage. Currently he's living with his brother in another state while he sorts through his feeling for this other woman and whether or not he wants to try again at our relationship.

There seems to be a lack of real empathy from dh.  As though other people and animals are there for HIS enjoyment, comfort, biding.  There seems to be a lack of care of other's feelings and needs.  I think this is the hardest part of living with him.  It makes me, the partner/spouse, unseen and unheard. The crazy-making part is that he screams that I am not loving enough when it is HIM that does not seem to care AT ALL about how I feel or what I think.

My husband started a diet last year (May 2013). I cannot tell you the difference it has made in his roller coaster personality (ADHD). He has been more consistent with moods, doesn't get angry over every little thing and stays focused on conversation, and doesn't say wacky things that make no sense. He has always had a big appetite and he is now watching his calorie intake and has lost 90 pounds. I can not express enough what a huge difference this has made in him not only physically but mentally. Praise God!

So for a full year, I thought we were both working towards acquiring what was necessary to get the counseling that we need.

It has hit me full force that I was once again, the foolish wife of an ADHD spouse who dared to believe that it could be different.  And at the end of the year of work, I find out he chooses his anger and his stuff over me.

That reality has hit me full force, and it so much more painful than I ever thought it would be. I really, truly thought we would make it.  I did. Honestly I did. 

Separation.  Such a filthy word.

I asked my spouse if he wanted to discuss his visit with a pastor last night. Before he left last night, he had told me he would tell me when he came home if he was going to stay or go.   I was 'assuming' he had gone because he was miserable.  Maybe hit bottom.

What he told me is the pastor said we needed to go to marriage counseling.  I replied that we have been going to counseling for the past umpteen years.  We also ended our last counseling sessions last January when we were both told we had things to accomplish before we could be helped.

Being alone even though you're together.  Having a partner but having to do the lion's share.

Being on the receiving end of bursts of temper that you remember, but he doesn't.

Being blamed in an instant for everything...everything. 

Being the dumping ground for all of his negative experiences.  Not even being asked how your day was.  He feels better, you feel worse.

Feeling guilty about intimacy issues, but it's because you feel like a parent to him.