Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi, fairly new here.  I recently rediscovered this site in an attempt to figure out what is going on with my marriage.

I am reading "To Love and be Loved" by Sam Keen.  He says: "Once our attention is captured, a love story develops only if we escalate the contact by a decision to pay attention... The decision to pay attention to someone is the first act of self-limitation, the first sacrifice, the first gift we make in the name of love."

It has taken me 25 years of marriage to realize the impact my husband's ADHD is having on our marriage.  He is aware that he has ADHD but thinks most of our issues are my fault.  Went to counseling last summer: didn't help at all.  I am overwhelmed, angry, sad, and actually mourning what I thought my marriage should be.  I have no feelings left for him.  I am choosing to stay because of my kids.  I have decided what is best for them is more important than what my needs might be.  I need advice on how to let go of the anger.  I feel that his ADHD is an excuse sometimes for behavior that I se

I fed the birds this morning.  Filled the suet holders, checked the humming bird nectar levels, filled the cup with grape jelly for the orioles, put seed in the main feeder.

Then my spouse went and refilled the main feeder.

When I asked him, "Didn't you see that I already filled the bird-feeders?"  

He said, "There wasn't enough seed in the bird-feeder."

If I do a job, I don't like it when he follows up and 'adjusts' what I did.  It was filling up a bird-feeder for cripes sake!

These are from the book "Healing ADD" by Daniel Amen.  (Thank you to whoever on this forum recommended his books.  They contains lots of insightful information.)

Here's what he has to say about these "games":  "Many people with ADD unconsciously, based on brain-driven (not will-driven) mechanisms, play ADD games as a way to boost adrenaline and stimulate their frontal lobes.  These games just seem to happen.  No one plans for them to happen.  Most ADD people deny that they engage in these behaviors."

1) Let's have a problem.

So for a very long time I have resolved that I was was stuck in an abusive marriage. I stumbled upon this site.  I had no idea that adhd had such devastating symptoms.  I don't want to go into too much detail about the dynamics of our relationship but I will say I am older than he by several years, been married before, and have 3 children from a former marriage. I knew something was different in our relationship early on.  He would bait me into arguments, use force to keep me engaged if necessary, use anger as a fear tactic.

My FH was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I am extremely upset with him always saying he is going to do something, and then never actually doing it. Honestly the only way things get done, is when I get on his case demanding that he does it RIGHT now! I am tired of that method. Recently, when things need to be done by a specific date, what I have done is put it into his phone with 2 day reminders. Well, apparently when something needs to be done by a Saturday deadline, he thinks its perfectly fine to have it completed by Monday. And that's with me asking why its not done yet.

I had sidetracked another topic, so I decided to start a new one here.

Yesterday, Melissa said the following:

"So 'I'm feeling really sad right now because I feel lonely when you are distracted' is less likely to put your husband on the defensive than 'you never pay attention to me and that hurts.'"

My partner is 22 and I am 25.  We have a daughter together and she is 7 months old.  He has an ADHD diagnosis and I have high functioning Aspergers, although really I am the only adult in the house and I run around all day micro managing everything and I am the only one with any sense of urgency.  He is terrible with money, time keeping, turning up for important things, keeping a routine you name it.

We are going great for some time,he was very generous and loving,cooking and pampering me,taking me nice places,buying me presents/gifts.Organizing dinner reservations and being a great husband.I was a bit worried that it would not last long b/c i did not want us to be out of love at no time.When we are in love he is great and things seem up to specks.