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Thanks for everyone's help-a year later realizing this is searchable via google and able to be read without logging in, I have deleted the orginal text.

Even through this turmoil, I have continued to cook nightly meals. That stops starting tomorrow. I spent an hour making Irish potato cakes with garlic mushroom and onions. He commented on how good it smells. Right after I'm done cooking, he announces that his friend is taking him out to eat. When I mentioned the dinner I cooked, he says he'll eat it later. No he won't. I'm throwing it in the trash. I'll only cook for me and my son from now on. 

I am a non-ADHD spouse trying to understand and support my ADHD husband. I understand that ADHDers find it hard to do a task unless it is interesting, challenging, or urgent. I have also heard it described as “they can’t” get started until the task becomes one of these three things. Question: How literal is the word “can’t”? How is a spouse to know when an ADHD spouse is unable to accomplish a task and what is to be done about it?

I'm dating a guy who is 24 and has Adhd. Its been 3 months now. Things are good, but sometimes things can get soooooo confusing and annoying. I am very frustrated because he works so much and lives 30 minuets away from me and we hardly have time to see each other... but even though we don't see each other a lot, when we do its great. we only see each other once every two weeks cause he has so many responsibilities. He tells me how much he wishes he could spend more time with me...

Guilt is hard for me to deal with. 

I can change how I do things: start again to mother my ADHD spouse, yield to his demands, and revert to my old behaviors knowing full well the result will be  peace in the kingdom for him.  But the cost to me?  Oiy.  It will look good from the outside.  Unfortunately, the princess will then be sad. I just cannot do it.

So I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, I know it's short comparing to some of the other posts I've read... I just need some advice, support or something. We are both young adults, he still a student. I'm a junior accountant, so I cannot be forgetful, de-organized and I cannot afford to loose focus. He on the other hand, is forgetful, inconsiderate and just plain neverminded.

I posted on this site when I first stumbled onto it, and laid out my frustrations and anger about my husband. Since then I spend time looking at the posts from other people about their spouses and the frustrations that they go through. My husband and I spent time last night looking through the postings. and were sad for all of the people that post and seeing their crumbling relationships and marriages. I know that my husband has a lot of the traits of ADHD that most people post about, it's part of him.

I am the wife of someone with ADD and anxiety.  Drinking alcohol seems to be the only time the ADD is "calmed."  However, to the extreme.  Anyone else struggling with this?

I hate to say that It brings me some comfort to see that I'm not so abnormal in the patterns and situation that I'm in, but it sucks that so many marriages have to go thru this rollercoaster.

I've been married to my ADHD husband for almost 12 years, we have 4 children (10 and under). For the past few years (since our 3rd child was born) things have been going thru cycles of falling apart and coming back together. The years leading up to the birth of our 3rd child I was the only one working, but about a month into my pregnancy he got a job and I have been a SAHM since.

When I ask dh what love is to him, he said that "Love is when he feels pleasure, a feeling inside that makes him smile."  So he loves his beer, his tobacco, his games, his winning, his erections.  He loves his sons only when they give HIM pleasure.  He loves me ONLY when I give him pleasure.  He puts his focus and energies and resources toward THOSE things that will make HIM smile.  He does not need to DO ANYTHING for the people he expects to love him. People who love him need to give him pleasure for him to feel love (pleasure).