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by: honestly -
I've experienced the lashing out, and then the resistance to understanding that the behaviour was hurtful. Since he is so obsessed with you recalling everything verbatim, maybe sidestep this and make it clear it's about tone. The words themselves are (mostly) neutral, it's the tone that makes them hurtful. He has then to be on the lookout for this tone, not get you to supply a list of words. But basically it seems to me he is doing what my OH has always done when we have a problem of his making - he's...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Spouse, poor verbal impulse control and lashing out
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by: MelissaOrlov -
Hi - yes. I took anti-depressants for about 2 years to deal with a very difficult patch in my own relationship. I was depressed and having difficulty moving through my days easily. I found that the anti-depressant provided enough energy and calm so that I could move ahead and make the changes needed in my life, so it was very helpful. My strong recommendation is that if you choose to take meds you do so not to support the status quo, but to give yourself the breathing space to do the work needed to...>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
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by: Swedish coast -
I'm so sorry. This sounds like your husband is overwhelmed by the challenges of parenthood. He doesn't cope with it all presumably because of his ADHD. His behavior towards you is probably just a reflection of his inner chaos. He may feel if he can control things through you, he has some control. It isn't a decent way to treat a spouse, though. I suggest he gets some help for himself. Otherwise this environment will be impossible for you and you will suffer. Please take care.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Spouse, poor verbal impulse control and lashing out
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by: Peacefull111 -
Thank you so much for your comment it really helped me understand that he may not stop there and may want to continue trying to contact me, definitely something to be aware about. Just tonight he tried again. Yes!! My ex also took my childhood photos without asking. And my favorite clothing.. if he continues I'm just going to have to stick to my guns and ignore ignore ignore and continue my own healing process.>>> on Forum topic - I’m ashamed to say..
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by: N4ally2 -
Sorry to heard that you feel like you are alone and so glad you found the site. According to recent studies, nearly 60% of non-ADHD spouses report experiencing elevated stress due to the complexities of their relationship, with 1 in 4 experiencing symptoms of depression. So your questions is should you medicate yourself...Medication helps short term because it gives you some relief, but ultimately, improving your current situation is the long term plan. For me, I contemplated with divorce a few times...>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
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by: honestly -
Thank you, Melody. That means a lot. And I'm so sorry your partner was so actively nasty to your daughter. Mine at least is more usually inattentive rather than aggressive towards the kids. The worry is always what one is 'modelling' for a child, the assumption being that this is what they then go on to repeat in their own relationships. But maybe it can equally be that they react against it, are alert to the dysfunction, and will go on to refuse to accept it for themselves. I see hints of this in both my...>>> on Forum topic - The Effect on Kids of Inattentive ADHD in Parent
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by: honestly -
Thank you Swedish. I am watching him and the kids interact at the moment - we also have a daughter- and it's fascinating to see how she differs from her brother in this. He was mystified and quietly eroded by it; she is just laser-like in her understanding of her father and the situation. And far less patient than me. I think she as a daughter is more like how ADHD spouses are often characterised than I am myself. Impatient, explosive, taking tasks off him because she can't bear to watch them done half-...>>> on Forum topic - The Effect on Kids of Inattentive ADHD in Parent
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by: saudade -
You shouldn`t feel guilty at all, you should be proud, that you managed to come out of the situation. Women like you are my hope. I hope to find that strengh like you did.... With my ex partner I also didn´t have a real breakup, like that "classical" closure ( and I would need that so much!). We went appart after a rage meltdown. I feel like living in a limbo and I hope one day I can speak with him to have an adult, mature conversation, honest and open and go out of this limbo. I´m happy you found...>>> on Forum topic - I’m ashamed to say..
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by: saudade -
Dear Peacefull111, your words are so conforting to me... Yes, is so difficult, I can hardly put it into words... And in my case: He lives around the corner (fortunatly he has his apt.) and I moved to Amsterdam (Netherlands) at the same time as I met him, that means: all my life here, all my neighbourhood, the city, the cafes, canals, gardens are always connected with him. Everything reminds me of him! There is no "before-him" in my life in this city...... Is pure pain! In the meantime I found a therapy for...>>> on Forum topic - Rage meltdown ending on physical abuse adhd partner
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by: Peacefull111 -
Yes before we stopped talking he said I'm sorry I became emotionally codependent on you. Yes I wanted a normal breakup but this was far from it and he did want to just linger in the background which was not letting me move forward and grieve even. It is hard to no longer be in each others lives but I am starting therapy and a class on codependency soon. I pray and hope I never go backwards again out of pity for him. Thank you for your comment and maturity .. it really helped.>>> on Forum topic - I’m ashamed to say..
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by: Peacefull111 -
My heart goes out to you because I know exactly the kind of love you have for him. My ex also got into alcohol issues and issues with the court which made him homeless. You're right seeing his misery only hurts you as well, nobody wants to see someone they care about struggle. But if they don't take responsibility there's nothing more that we can do. I'm so sorry that you were dismissed from work. I do agree it's best to put yourself first now and take care of yourself. If you continue to only care about...>>> on Forum topic - Rage meltdown ending on physical abuse adhd partner
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by: Swedish coast -
Interestingly your advice is where my thoughts have drifted to too these last few days. I'll try to be who I want. And I'll be less discreet. The children requested I don't contact them when they're with him. So I haven't, for seven months or so. I also learned it's wrong to ask children questions about their times at the other place. So I haven't. It's very strange, to only be a parent part time and then have zero information about the rest of the children's life. And when they've not heard from me maybe...>>> on Forum topic - The relaxed happy ex
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by: J -
but I really don't have an exact answer. Even as an a teenager or young adult, I use to get the sense that my father didn't like certain aspects of myself that mirrored his own too much. I think that's very much a real thing sometimes. But oddly enough, I seem to be attracted to people with ADHD and like them alot. One friend in particular that I have in mind I really love spending time with, he makes me laugh so hard and it's so infectious I just love his personality. Another childhood friend I had also...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Husband doesn't like my ADHD Sister
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by: c ur self -
If you look at the "right" when it comes to marriage, procreation, and family existence...You will see all the dysfunction surrounding your situation...So I suggest you stop beating yourself up about him...He will take care of his children...If you punish yourself based on the life he lives, then you will stop existing as your best self...Everyone makes mistakes, hind site is always 20-20....And attempting to defend ourselves, or make judgments on others will never end well, especially when it comes to the...>>> on Forum topic - The relaxed happy ex
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by: Off the roller ... -
Omg yes. My husband (dx last year) has adhd and we think his sister has it but he doesn't speak to her. Has so much h rage for her. It's isnaine. They are so alike it's scary but if I pointed it out he'd flip My theory is that adhd-ers in our lives don't want to have a mirror shining on their behaviour that causes pain and when they encounter someone who behaves in a way that has caused THEM pain or trauma or they see it causing distress for others, they just can't handle it. I'm not making an excuse...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Husband doesn't like my ADHD Sister
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by: honestly -
I'm glad for you. Xx>>> on Forum topic - The relaxed happy ex
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by: Swedish coast -
That warms my heart. A happy day here today with children. Today I feel I'm who I want to be. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.>>> on Forum topic - The relaxed happy ex
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by: honestly -
I mean, raising kids is. Right now you are carrying too much and personally i'd say it's fine to be angry - feel the rage and do it anyway- but the kids soon grow and need you less (and this is a relief that also breaks your heart) and they will remember that it was you who did the important stuff, who made sure they got to the dentist and had a decent meal and got to sports clubs and had some fresh air and fun. I'd also say that their childhood doesn't have to he perfect; no childhood is, and you'll only...>>> on Forum topic - The relaxed happy ex
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by: honestly -
My ADHD OH (we now, as a family, also suspect autism) has been loosely part of a social group for years. He has, over this time, expressed a lot of frustration with the other men involved, called members 'weird', their behaviour rude - because they dominate conversations, don't listen and tune out completely when their special interests are not under discussion. He considers many of their activities and interests lame and nerdy*. He's often distanced himself for a while, but eventually rejoins them...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Husband doesn't like my ADHD Sister
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by: J -
I was going to give an example of how my anger appears over something seemingly insignificant that happened at work. My anger was just a flash in the pan. Actually, it amounted to only two words: " he's stupid." There was no raging or drama, no big deal was made in fact, the person I was referring to ( the he's stupid comment ) wasn't even in the room when I said. This incident was all about him ( the guy) making a mistake that caused me a lot of grief. But more importantly to me, he created a situation...>>> on Forum topic - RSD...Flipping the Script. Ferreting Out Anger
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