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Ok, this will be a rant. But also a brief summary of facts. Please bear with me.

Me and my ADHD spouse have been living separately. We're not married. She blames many of the issues we're facing on this. She says it's complicating her daily routine.

However, we never really got through that point when you really feel like you could live with the other person, and you truly want it.

I need to catch my breath from time to time. If that doesn't happen, I'm no use.

So, here's a story. If my ADHD spouse is late for our meeting, she usually calls me and says she's gonna be late. I want and need to express my dissatisfaction, but also want to be compassionate, because I know she needs that more than scolding. So I put it like this:

I actually wrote a whole story here but I feel it's actually better to ask a question.

When you're in a relationship with someone with ADD and they don't meet your expectations, what do you do or think?

Also what do you do, when they do something you dislike that's caused by their condition but you know you always have to be accepting?

Hi Friends,

I've been around for some time, reading your posts and finding great consolation in all the experience you're sharing here. However, since it doesn't make the problem magically go away, I felt I needed to put my two cents in on a topic that I has been really bothering me.

My boyfriend has ADHD and we've been together for two years now.  Throughout that whole time he's had problems with sever anger outbursts which would turn into fights lasting hours and sometimes days.  I won't get into details but I will say his treatment towards me during these fights was mentally/emotionally abusive.  It's like he flicks a switch and suddenly he's a completely different person, screaming at me, spitting, etc. I'm sure a lot of you can relate.  Once I pointed out during a fight that he was abusive, he started to put more effort into dealing with his anger issues.

Hi everyone, my first post so some background.

I've been married 12 years. Years ago my wife mentioned she had a previous ADD diagnosis. Actually at the time I found Melissa's book and read the first chapter online. Even found this website but didn't go any further. At the time my wife got mad I was researching ADD and told me "It's my issue". I didn't see how I could change her mind so I just dealt with it. 

Denial in ADHD I believe is not actually an ADHD problem. For guys, anything that looks as though they are lacking in something or are unable to control in their life, they will attempt to deny. There is even an scientific article detailing how men actually have very healthy attitudes towards improving on depression, yet are unlikely to seek help from a therapist or from others. You can imagine what potentially being listed as having ADHD ('deficient', 'disorder') will do to them. What will make them more likely to seek help is if you reword it.

Hello everyone... I am the non-adhd person. I am really scared about getting married! I just don't know if I have the patience for this. I hate to say it but I feel like a mother to a 36 year old kid. I have read other peoples struggles and I totally relate. He moves stuff or throws things away but doesn't believe he did it. We are the only 2 in the house! (He says "if I did that then I am sorry" I want to strangle him when he says that!!) I make a chore list because he "doesn't know what to do" so he wanted it written down... he has never looked at it.

Hi everyone. My husband has ADHD and it has taken a huge toll on our relationship, due to infidelity and aggression on top of all the other stuff. We have a baby girl who is crawling and I am terrified of leaving her in his care. I have found ADHD medication lying around on the carpet because he doesn't store them properly. He empties the contents of his pockets (nails, screws) in random locations without thinking about it. She has been hurt a number of times under his care because of him being forgetful and distracted. He tries to drink hot coffee while giving her a bath.

I'm the non ADHD spouse.   We bought the ADHD Effect on Marriage book and we were both reading it.  It was very emotional for my spouse.  We both were amazed at how it seemed someone was watching us live our lives and writing a book about it!  I went on to read The Dance of Anger and found it very insightful.  My dilemna is that my spouse has not finished reading the first book and shows no signs of doing so.   Is there a way for me to ask him about it,  remind him or otherwise suggest he get back to it without him feeling threatened or judged?