I joined this forum because it was by far the best I have found, with help and support for spouses of adults with ADHD. and as myself and OH have lived together for over 16 years as man and wife, we are married except for that piece of paper - therein lies the problem. I hope you will still accept me on this forum - it helps so much to know that others feel as I do and go through similar experiences.
There are so many things I want to do. So much I would like to explore, but H would rather just sit and play his video game for 8-10 hours a day and drink. Some days he'll come up with all these ideas, like "We need to take a long weekend and go camping". I say "Yes. When and where do you want to go?" He'll say "I don't know, we'll just find some place and go." Well of course that never is spoken of again and if I brought it up he'd be all "why don't we wait a few weeks when there'll be less people" or whatever to not go.
When I hear "soon" I'm thinking 15-20 minutes, but sometimes it could be up to hours! I'm so tired of waiting on my husband. If we have plans to run errands together or go out for the evening, he'll say to me (as he's sitting in front of his computer) "Are you ready to go soon?". To which I reply "I just need to get dressed". I should keep in mind that he is either still in his pajamas playing his video game that he's already been playing for hours or he's still in his work clothes playing his video game. So, silly me, I jump up and get dressed, do my hair and am ready to go in 15 minutes.
I don't know if I can do this anymore. There, I said it. How nice it is to be able to say it to people who not only understand my life but are living it too, where you wake up one morning to see boxes that haven't been unpacked from when you moved... 5 years ago. See empty toilet rolls on the floor when the bin is a meter away. See overflowing rubbish, and recycling, stacks of computers and monitors in the hallway, see a new box of 100 assorted and tangled wires appear in the man room (that tip is not an office anymore).
I really had a bad moment just a bit ago. A blender that my late husband bought me is giving me trouble. I have been trying to really clean it and I cant seem to get it clean. I think maybe its just so old its falling apart. Thing is - I use the thing religiously and am very attached to it (I know I should not be - its just a small kitchen appliance...
H has evolved into being a constant whiner. It started a few years ago and has become worse. In fact, he's lost his golf partner because of the whining.
My husband spends all his time launching financially unviable projects with big ideas. He doesn't earn any income and I can't afford to pay for his unreasonable behaviour anymore. I can't stand that he won't listen to me and stop launching over and over again the same project which is always doomed to failure because he doesn't have adequate investment and is too disorganised to manage anything. He just won't listen and I can't bear the thought of taking money away from my son's university fund so that he can run again with another crazy project. Help!
Non adhd wife. Hey so my q is when it it just "lovable hunkey dorey Adhd" that I should coddle, vs when is it just outright abuse I'm taking/not living my life so that I can make sure he doesn't get mad?
I guess I'm asking what is the official line? When has it been crossed?
Does the line exist in each of us non-Adhd? And once we've had enough, that's it? Or we go through years/ decades happily and then suddenly the last straw breaks our back? And we can't even look at our partner with love anymore.
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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