Recent forum posts (all topics)

3 years ago my husband was on Adderall for adhd. He was was have outbursts of anger. He told his Dr and he was put on meds for anger. We eventually split up over it. The day after we split up he got charged with a criminal case due to his anger. After the Dr found out he was in trouble he dropped him. My question is, has anyone had a situation like this? 

Thank you. I am so thankful. I love my husband of 3 years deeply, passionately. He is a good man (at times) and a good husband (at times). If I need something done, I point him in the direction and it gets done. He is generous. He is kind. He is thoughtful (at times). 

It has become very obvious to me that my ADD spouse is always working or doing something else rather than be with me. Promises to do things together are often broken or delayed until it is too late. Careful scheduling, early planning and much discussion usually proves to be wasted efforts. Underlying passive agressive behavior exists as well. Trying to live with a spouse who is like this is often very disappointing. Marriage counseling has helped with awareness but scheduling convenient appointments, travel time (often 2 hours) and expense hamper progress.

I've been going through papers from my basement and discovered a document showing that my ex-H was notified in 2008 that he would be "removed" from his job (i.e., fired) because he had just had the third of what ended up being four vehicle incidents overall during his time with this employer. He didn't tell me about the incidents and he wasn't fired in 2008; that didn't happen until approximately nine months later, when he had the fourth incident. My ex prides himself on his driving, but he has had at least seven accidents that I'm aware of, and a few speeding tickets as well.

Husband with ADHD plus anxiety and depression. Very Jekyll/Hyde. This is textbook ADHD -- he can't hold a job, bill payment and child care schedules are nonexistent, and he doesn't honour agreements. His cheques to me have bounced, and he is neglectful. He yells or raises his voice at me and our child, and treats me rudely. I've become a nag in response, which is not who I am, and I don't like it at all. He has a very kind 'core' and is known by others as a 'nice' guy. But he has no patience, is very triggered by his family of origin, and responds to me reactively as if I'm his mother or his sister, criticizing him. He loses jobs constantly, and has drained my significant retirement savings to almost nothing, and we've gone from earning over 100k to living under the poverty line. I have become an emotional wreck due to his ups and downs of mood, but feel trapped as I have no money to leave, and I'm afraid of his dysfunctional family, who have ostracized me and blamed me for DH's mental health issues, with which he was diagnosed years before he met me. At some level, I'm hoping for a miracle as I love him. But he'll never change, and I know this.

Thanks for reading! 

This idea in Melissa's book I struggle with. I understand the premise and I understand partners are at their individual juncture through co-construction (destruction) of their relationship. But I have a really hard time to accept not to blame the ADHD partner or to not expect that person to make a move. Unless I'm missing something... isnt that why we're in this situation to begin with? I'm mad as hell. As much as I am willing to do whatever. But if it is a one way street... I'm out. Any thoughts on that? 

Very briefly, I wanted to state that out of the three books that I read on the topic of ADHD, I found yours most helpful in understanding the effects on marriage. However, I will say that it irritated me considerably that most examples you showed or discussed the husband was the person with ADHD. This is not the situation I live in. I think it would have been helpful to ensure alternating your examples, so that it does not create the impression that this is mostly a male driven problem. 

I am currently in a 7 month old relationship with an ADHD man, and I am a non-ADHD women who has very well controlled Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Depression. He is in his early 30s and I am in my mid-to-late 30s.

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