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Hello everyone,my name is Andreea Wardally and I discovered just 1 month a go that my husband have ADHD.We are separated right now because my work and documents for USA  by 7000 miles,I'm stuck in Italy (ROME),he is Florida.WE have to deal not just with 6 hours of difference  but as well with ADHD that he keep secret from the beginning and alcohol problems.One month a go his hyper focus attention  in US start to get low. Loosing  control of everything,dealing with his moods up and down,lies to cover his movements,talking about depression.

So tell me if I am being unreasonable.  A little background:  both of my sons and my DH are ADHD.  Right now only the 17 YO son is medicated.  He is a 6'4" tall senior in high school, worked full time all summer and now works part time in addition to school.  He has a girlfriend who I ADORE and she is over by us often, which is fine with me.  She is a doll and very easy to be around/have around.  The 17 YO was also in rehab in February and has been clean and sober for several months now.  By and large, he is a good boy.  It is my opinion that DH babies him WAY too much.

After over a decade together, my marriage to my ADHD spouse is over. He actually asked for the divorce, but I didn't fight it. He has threatened divorce more times than I can count, but this time I just said, "OK" and moved out. He told me later that he didn't mean it, he just said it to try and get me to "appreciate him" and realize how hard my life would be without him. I laughed. My life with him was a nightmare.  I tried extremely hard to make it work.

So this is my first time on this website and forum. My husband was diagnosed with ADHD six years ago, after our son was diagnosed. It was good timing because our marriage was at breaking point at the time, but with this new diagnosis came a new understanding and reasons to forgive. However, whilst my husband is now medicated and we are both more aware over time we have allowed things to slip a little, and I guess whilst we came a long way at the time, we still have further to go.

I shall attempt to carefully word my thoughts so they come across as critiques - - not criticisms.

ADHD.  What is known.  What is not known.  Is it a way of being?  Is it an "issue"?  Is it a disorder?  Is it simply a way that the brains of 10% of the people  works differently than 90% of the 'average' people in the world?

I don't know.  Wish I did.  Wish I knew how to articulate how so many things we as a couple have tried . . . .and that did not work.  Like most things in life, solutions read easy, and work hard.  

after reading so many posts on here, and being new to having an ADHD partner, i think i must find a solution.  Going around in circles does not make sense at my age.  I spent 30 yrs (that magic number for marriage) married to someone who in hindsight had something wrong with him, personality disorder maybe.  and so I ask myself why do i pick these people, or they pick me.  hhmmm.  I learnt one thing when going out with a guy with bi-polar disorder, when he went off and started talking to other 'ladies', i went off and did the same thing.  it worked!  he was soon looking for me.  so maybe ju

I was inspired by JJamieson's recent posts on a different thread to think about the following: describing the problems in my relationship without beginning with "he" (my ex-husband) "did X" or "he is X."  I think this is a useful exercise because accepting responsibility for our own choices and behavior is important.  Here are some of my "I" statements; I hope others will chime in with their own.

I was unhappy with my relationship because I was afraid I would get into legal trouble based on my then-husband's financial dealings.

My father was OCD and the dominate parental figure in my upbringing. He was highly organized so I struggled to keep up. With his help maintained good grades and got through college and a Masters program in Computer Science. Though feeling always well supported and love, I always felt massive guilt because I could not stay on task as well as he.

I have been married to my ADHD spouse for almost 10 years now.  He told me he was ADHD when we met but he said now that he was older it didn't affect him like it did when he was young.  He took meds (Ritalin) while in college in order to be able to focus and get through 4 years to get his degree, but when it started affecting his heart he got off of it.  He also had some counseling during that time (all of this before we met).  Since we have been married he has been unemployed more than half the time and has had over 50 jobs, the longest lasting one being a little less than a year.  Most of