Recent forum posts (all topics)

So I know I posted about the weird changes my husband made a couple of months ago, where suddenly he started following through on his promises for projects on the house and started working out on the elliptical etc.  and he started treating me better and telling me he loved me and calling me on his lunch break etc....  I think I understand some of what was going on.

I'm just so frustrated...   The last year I was able to get spouse to marriage counseling 4 times with me!!!  The other times I went myself.    After many arguments I demanded a diagnose.  I felt bad but he went.   He has Anxiety, I thought ADHD and the Dr. prescribed something to help him relax..  He's a good guy just always non-stop, hyper, in a hurry all the time, doesn't care about what I have to say, it's his way only.. He doesn't understand that marriage is about 2 people not 1....It's really difficult as I'm finding myself 'on edge' most of the time.

Today, I hurt.  This month marks the 6th anniversary of my first husbands death, the first anniversary of my mothers death, the 18th anniversary of my first wedding date, and the absolute purge of my current marriage.

(I removed most of this, because I wrote it in the heat of being so upset.  I said things that were harsh and that I know are not true about my husband, and I said things out of hurt and anger.)

I had been debating for a while how to talk to him about when he was leaving - but he brought it up.

He asked if I had decided about me letting him stay until March.  I said no.

I told him that it would be best for him to leave by the end of December.  he is angry and left.  I am so broken up about this.  I never wanted this.

But i will be OK.  I will be OK.  I will be OK.  I have a good life, am a good person and will find happiness, peace and joy.

I've been married to an ADHD man for 2 years, together for 5. We have a toddler together and my older son from a previous relationship. At first I was too busy working full time, going to school full time, and being a parent to really notice his..odd behavior. When we first moved in together, things were great. We planned to get married. Then I started to see how bad what he called his 'anxiety' was- he constantly rearranged his kitchen cupboards, refrigerator, all of his stuff in the attic and garage and carport.

I'm extremely excited right now about what I've been working so hard to accomplish and I just procured one of the last pieces of the puzzle.  Actually, three things...but two that I just made the decision to buy which is really going to help in so many ways...I don't know where to begin?

I hope this will be a thread for practical tips.  Mine right now:  dealing with yard work (raking).  I'm feeling overwhelmed in terms of time and my physical condition.  (I'm small, not very strong, and perhaps prone to exertion-induced migraine headaches.)  Should I lower my standards for myself or hire someone to help?  If the latter, a service or a neighborhood young person?  

Please feel free to post your suggestions and also your requests for practical guidance if you're lacking a spouse (either because you're not married or you're married but your spouse is AWOL).

I just saw the touring "The Book of Mormon" musical in the theater.  It was great and funny!  So much of it I identified with.  How I was TAUGHT to be who I was as a child in church to be afraid of hell and OBEY the rules....no matter who or what made the rules, I was conditioned to BELIEVE and TRUST them.  I was not a Mormon but some of the "rules" were similar in my upbringing.  

H's car is old.  Over 2 weeks ago, we learned that it would require a major repair, so H announced that he needed a new car.  Fine.  I had NO OBJECTION to that.  Days go by and H makes ZERO effort to look for another car.  When I ask, H says that he'll look "later".  Later never came.  A friend of one of our kids LOVES to look for cars, so he stays current with what's out there.  After a week went by, I asked this friend to recommend some cars.  The friend happily suggested some cars, even sending some links to look at. 

Most persons don’t realize this, but the common, or popular, view of “love” involves an element of receiving something. “I love chocolate” really means that “I enjoy getting the experience of the taste of chocolate.” Similarly, “I love you” commonly implies “I enjoy playing with your body,” or “I enjoy believing that you will give me security or protection,” or “I enjoy feeling sexual pleasure with your body” (or “I want to have sexual pleasure with your body.”) As a result, Lacan, in his teachings about love, described the typical act of love as “polymorphous perversion.” [5]