I hate that all I seem to do is bitch about these things — even though I don't actually bitch to anyone other than myself because I don't want to bad-mouth DW to anyone really! DW has just been on 'holiday' for the past 3 weeks, not really a proper holiday, but home to see family etc.
Since my marriage took a turn for the worse last year, the one refrain that keeps coming up a lot from my wife is that she's "done trying" and it's up to me to show that I can put in the effort. I can understand why she'd be at the end of her rope, and I try to put across that I hear that and respect that. So it's on me to make my own goal list and start kicking some butt, right? But it puts me in knots to read about things the non-ADHD spouse could and should do to help save the relationship, like:
I'm sure this is not going to be new ground here on this forum but it is certainly new to me and i'm so upset, confused and have no idea where to turn for help.
My husband has ADHD and other issues. Well, we just found out that someone passed away in The Bronx, 2.5 hours away from us. We both knew her from our younger years but my H was closer to her. He hasn't really kept in touch with anyone from his past since he forgets and hyperfocuses on things rather than people. Well we were both going to go to the service and he found out he has to work. It's something he can't get out of. I get very anxious when he drives in the city since he has a temper and I get nervous driving myself in the city so I knew I wasn't going alone.
She: What do you think about _________?
He: What do you mean?
She: What is your opinion about it?
He: What is yours?
She: I think it seems to me that _____________. That is what I think about it.
He: no words
She: Well?
He: What?
She What do you think about ____________?
He: I doesn't matter, You just told me what you think. You don't care about what I think about it.
She: I asked you what you think about it because i DO care. I am interested in how you feel about it.
My husband has ADHD and an addictive personality. He used to self-medicate many years ago with pills and alcohol but cleaned his act up and tries VERY hard to keep his crap together. He makes all of his appointments, etc. with no nagging. When he was originally prescribed adderall it was awesome. It worked for him, I could see the difference clearly and he was practically crying tears of joy. But then be became addicted. I tried everything from hiding his pills, to keeping them in a locked box to keeping them at a friends house.
Hey all. I've been married to my husband who has ADHD for almost 11 yrs. Its been a rollercoaster to say the least, and from what I've read on this forum (I'm new here) you guys all know all about that particular ride. Which I am so sorry for, for you and your spouses both. I love my husband dearly and would not consider divorce unless he became violent, which he never has. Our main issues are 1: he ignores me. 2: He works incredibly hard, but is incredibly irresponsible with his money. And 3: I feel like I am dating every single person he knows. Like we are in a 50-way relationship.
I'm asking this for my husband, who has been diagnosed with inattentive ADD. He's trialed strattera, ritalin, concerta, adderall, adderall xr, vyvanse, focalin, daytrana and wellbutrin. None of them had ANY beneficial effect other than the vyvanse having a barely discernable positive effect. He experienced most of the bad side effects of every med; increased BP and heart rate, anxiety, panic attacks, big crashes after it wears off, etc.
After 16 years of craziness and chaos, I've decided to divorce my ADHD husband. I didn't know until 2 years ago that he had ADHD; it was when our then-8 year old daughter was diagnosed with inattentive subtype ADHD that I realized how profoundly his life and our marriage has been impacted by his undiagnosed condition. He is 62 now, and although I've made reference to his ADHD, he has never accepted it or really taken what I've said seriously.
"In a healthy relationship, your partner hears you out if you’re upset, .... not to debate whether you should have been upset in the first place ...None of my concerns were ever addressed. They were simply deflected onto me. I had stopped taking issue with his actions because I wasn’t allowed to."
This is taken from a site below telling ways to tell if your spouse might be manipulative. It is an interesting and eye opening article:
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