Recent forum posts (all topics)

From day 1 it has been me and the kids - and then him.  It's like he's separate from us.  He's here, but he's not HERE.  We had 5 kids in  6 years and I have yet to feel like he's fully in on this.  He deals with them and me only when he feels like it and it's convenient for him.  He will never go out of his way or be put out for any of us.  It's always his comfort, his head hurts, his legs hurt, his pinky toe hurts.  He'll huff and puff if I ask him to do even something simple like tie a shoe for one of the kids.

I am a married < 3yrs, 41yo male recently-diagnosed with ADD:Primarily Inattentive. My non-ADHD wife and I are miserable. The dynamic I describe below is now one of our most common causes of conflict and a serious barrier to effective management of ADHD in our relationship.  I'm a long-time lurker here, and am looking for any insight the wonderful people of this forum, especially the non-ADHD spouses, may have to offer.

My girlfriend and I have been together now for about a year. When we first started dating, like all relationships, the coo coo stayed in the clock. It wasn't long before my jealous nature got the best of me and compounded by my ADD I began to slip. Get jealous about this minuscule event, blow up, apologize, hold it back for a bit, smother with love and repeat. All the while with her never having done anything wrong. These ups and downs have forced her to pull away, and me to grip and yearn for her. Clearly my self contious was bored and looking for trouble.

I read the author's blog post : " How to Find Gratitude in a Struggling ADHD-Impacted Relationship"  Being the non-ADHD partner in my marriage, I have searched out what I can do to make my marriage thrive.  I have swallowed my pride more times than I ever thought I could, and put on the cloak of "It must be me."  I have been given "what for", and did not fight back, thinking maybe sitting in the posture of "she who made the mistake" would help the situation turn around.

So after half a year I have spent seeing this person it has finally ended. I can say these have been 6 of the most awful months of my life. I have tried many times to rationalise my strong feelings for him and understand why I love him so much, but the truth is I don't really know. Paradoxically I have received very little in return. He always seems to go out of his way to remind me how expendable and unimportant I am to him... which has done "great" things to my already little self-esteem.

I guess I'm looking for someone to talk to, someone who has been, or is, experiencing a situation similar to me.  Someone objective, a sounding board, who would be willing to be a friend.  I see a lot of descriptions on the boards that sound a lot like me but with one major point of difference from a lot of them, my husband is not hurtful or mean and I know he loves me and wants me to be happy.  However, his habits and characteristics are really grating on me lately, making me want to pull my hair out and seriously pushing me to contemplate whether I've fallen out of love.

I'm so angry right now I can't think straight and need honest feedback! I know I have ADHD and 99% sure my husband has it. Below is a situation that just happened and I need to know who's responsible him, me or OUR adhd?

Can we talk?