Money/Credit Stuff (sorry so long)
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Hey everyone. My ADHD husband and I have had some ongoing issues with him and money. Not sure if this is ADHD related but heck probably all his struggles are to some extent, so here I am.
How to survive your book.
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My wife was very pleased and happy to find your book on ADHD & Marriage. She read it , and it made a lot of sense to her. ( It's was like she wrote the book her self ) she would say.We would read passages from the book as we read she would start crying describing this is exactly how she feels. As for some one who has been tested most of his younger life. I was no stranger to ADHD. All those PhD's never diagnosed me with ADHD, but after her eureka moment with your book and the circles that just go round and round on this subject I agreed to therapy and tests. Over 1k in Dr.
Husband goes to 2nd shift today---kinda excited!
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My husband keeps thinking that I'm so sad with him going to 2nd shift and now we'll really only see each other on the weekends. Nope...I'm pretty damn excited he's moving there! Up until today he worked 5AM-1:30 PM so the only time I had to myself to truly be free to do what I wanted without any remarks from him was in the morning before 7AM when I went to work. Now he will be working from 2PM to 10:30 PM. I will be able to come home at about 5PM and do whatever I want! No constant "Why are you doing THAT? Why are you watching THAT? Why are you eating THAT?" from him.
How do I know he's really changed?
I divorced my ADD husband 10 years ago. We remained in touch because of the kids, and now the anger and pain have cooled and we are good friends. He wants to move back in with me when he retires in a couple of years. We have fun together and get along well, but ONLY because he doesn't live here and I put no pressure at all on him.
Apologies?
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Do any of you non-ADD spouses ever get apologies from the ADD person? In my house, my ADD husband would do or say something that even he knew hurt me, but (this was a real conversation):
ME: It really hurt me when you did that
HIM: Don't you think I know that? Do you have to rub my nose in it? Don't you think I've suffered enough?
ME: Sorry
Wait, what? Did I just apologize to HIM? Crazy-making.
Really think before investing so many years
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This blog is filled with so many, mostly women, who have agonized for so many years over their husbands ADD behaviors. I did the same thing, too, until after 25 years he had an affair (one of many I am sure) and walked out on the family. Where is he today? He's on a cruise enjoying himself with his girlfriend. Where am I?
Is Divorce their answer to EVERY problem?
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My Husband's answer to every problem, big or small, has always been to get a divorce. I've always said, he's lived for 23 years with one foot out the door. Having only recently been diagnosed, and only starting meds a week ago, I was determined to ride this out for awhile. But now he just seems calmer, more resolved, and I guess peaceful about a divorce. Now I've been cut out of his counseling altogether, he's bordering on anxious to move on to his new and improved life WITHOUT ME! I'm thinking about going away for the weekend with no warning. Every weekend for about a month I've said
quote for week, Feb. 4 by buddah
Hello everybody I'm new to this blogging thing so bear with me. You see I have a wonderful husband of 30 yrs. Undiagnosed (except by me)but has every symptom of adult add. So that's why we've been driving each other crazy all these years. Lol . It wasnt funny back then but i can laugh about it now.cuz we r still together which is a miracle .and we can only give thanks to God. I wouldn't be able to love my husband and appreciate his strengths in "my self love." But because I know how deep Gods love is for me Im able to love him through his weaknesses. Buddah who.?
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behavioural changes - what to do when your husband refuses to make them?
My husband has been diagnosed for 18 mths. He takes ritalin and it has helped a lot - he also exercises and has quite a healthy lifestyle... but he adamantly refuses to make any behavioural changes. This means he still forgets what I say, doesn't follow through on agreements, rushes off in all sorts of directions (we are rennovating our house) causing no end of havoc and wasting time and money.
We talk through what might help - including writing things down, always consulting before deciding etc - he does it petulantly for a day or two and it quickly goes out the window.
How does he feel now that it's over?
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I'm not sure if I even really want to know the answer to this... I guess I'm afraid I already do...
The self-centeredness, all the running around, projects taking priority, poor communication, the lack of connection - this is why our marriage ended. I haven't had any contact with him for the last couple weeks, and this time has been so hard for me. As difficult as it was, and as much as I know that it's probably for the best (for me - and him too I geuss) that it's over between us, I miss his terribly and love him and it's so hard... I wonder, does he miss me?
