And the problem is, he thinks I'm never interested in his ideas because I basically just nod my head and go "ok" because I KNOW that I will never hear mention of it again and it will never happen.
I need advice. My boyfriend gets very aggressive and angry when he feels that another driver has "wronged" him, and it scares me. Every time it happens, we argue because he doesn't get that he's putting people at risk.
My husband called last night and left a message on the answering machine. He called to wish me a happy birthday but most of the message was taken up by nearly incoherent mumbling about how he's unhappy. I'm sorry my husband is unhappy and I'd like to tell him that but I want to avoid saying anything that would imply that I or anyone else will be rescuing him. Helplessness is a long-running tune in my husband's playlist. My past attempts to be provide help have been brushed or shoved off, as perhaps they should have been.
Recently my spouse was preaching to me about the great strides he has made in reducing his spending.
I am the bookkeeper, with full access to both business and personal accounts.
Don't you want to see the big picture? I think most of my life has been lived with tunnel vision, and poor site to go along with that. I think the largest negative contributors to my inability to see the big picture is my love for myself, my emotions and my lack of knowledge. Have you ever saw a little league coach who knows very little about the game, and maybe he didn't prepare his team vs. an experienced coach who's team has been practiced? The experienced coach many times is calm, he see's the big picture.
So yes, Iooked at my ADHD husband's email--you would think I would know better--I always find something upsetting. And sure enough--two emails, one from yesterday and one from two days ago from a woman he met when he was inpatient for a week in the psych ward two years ago telling him he will always be the man she loved most and all she has now is memories of a few wonderful weeks. How she wishes she had tried harder to make a life with him and HIS BOYS. WOW. While I can tell you I couldn't care less what he does with her, she will NEVER get near my sons.
As I posted a week ago, H has been really good about going to work EVERY day and staying the ENTIRE day. That part makes me happy. However, I am really tired of these 1/2 done projects that have been sitting around for months. He took down a cabinet and moved it back in January and said he was going to put lighting up in place of it. Nothing has been done. Over 2 months ago he took down a bedroom door that busted and we got a new one. I stained it, but he wanted to lacquer it too so it was shiny.
It is too late.
He can perform all the surface changes in the world, but what is beneath is still the person who has done and said so much that's pushed me too far.
Compassion and fear kept me waiting. For years, I bought into the belief that he could not help it. Before I even knew about add and narcissism, I sensed that this is simply how he is.
He can't help it is NOT the same as this is simply how he is. That is the truth with which I am now coming to terms. It hurts. It hurts me for both of us, but he will be fine, continuing to live in the moment.
The train has made an emergency stop, those wishing to stay off exit to station to begin immediately learning healthy tools for change, those wishing to continue on doing same old thing, expecting different result please stay seated. Please be aware those who are exiting the train, are choosing to still love those who remain seated, and also choose to try a different approach in order to improve their emotional and physical Heath. And that of their family!
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The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.
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