Recent forum posts (all topics)

Hi all,

My wife and I have not been able to come up with a verbal cue that works for me to let my wife know when I find myself not listening to her anymore in a conversation because she is going into more detail than I can take in.  She hasn't been able to suggest anything, and whatever I suggest she doesn't seem to like.  I'd love to hear from people with and people without ADHD to hear what you have found that works.

Also - I'd like to ask - do you use these cues/words only when it's the two of you, or also when you are with others?

I've never posted here before and I've really not even read any posts. My wife has read a number of posts to me due to their similarity to our life. Most of the time I would glaze over and partially listen but sometimes I would catch details that would remind me of me, of course then I would completely shut down all listening. Well now I'm in dire straits, searching for a way to show her how I really feel, how much she really means to me. Her life with me  has been a roller coaster with each dip dropping lower then the last.

Hello everyone,

Hi All, I guess I'm writing this tonight just to update.. Basically i asked my DH to leave- because though I could and have taken many things that I feel were unkind, unfair, disconnected in our relationship- I had to pull the plug when his physical violence kept getting worse and I started to really fear his loss of control. He does not get it! He still blames me for "pushing him" to act the way he does. Its crazymaking- and for a long time I have been believing it. My friends and family have not been able to understand what I have been feeling -neither have I.

I see lots of comments from persons with ADHD in this forum about how in order for real change to take place, the person with ADHD needs support from his/her partner/spouse.  That criticism, judgment, and even just waiting silently will contribute to the person with ADHD's feeling like a TOTAL FAILURE.

My question for those with ADHD - what does support look like to you?  What are some specific things I can do to show support to my wife.  When I ask her, she says "less criticizing and controlling.  More compliments."

i have been with my adhd boyfriend for 5 years just this november. we have a two month old baby and live together. we had a great first two years of the relationship then it all went downhill in a sense. i love him, but he's become such a burden. i want so badly for things to work out, but i sometimes wonder if he's capable of it or if he even wants to put in the effort at all. i feel like i've become a constant nagger. i ask him to help me do some simple task that i can't easily do myself like put a box away on a top shelf, but he just won't do it.

Hi all! 

 

Hi Everyone.  First time posting, so sorry if this topic has been addressed before. 

I'm a spouse of an ADHD husband (married 9 years)... I love him dearly and we've been through a real lot together.  It really helps our situation that I'm a very laid back, very patient individual.  I understand adhd top to bottom, have done extensive research on it and understand it fully. 

I haven't posted in a LONG time because things have been going relatively well.  I have learned to be more empathetic about certain behaviors and nag and criticize less, and my wife has been working really hard on managing her ADHD, including taking her meds and seeing a therapist.  We have read Melissa's book and attempt to use some of the techniques contained therein, including doing learning conversations when we find ourselves going in circles.

This is one of the worst conflicts we have. If you know you have to do something, what is the benefit of putting it off?